How? Why?
by AlOlLove
Summary: Alex Cabot had been dreaming of her return to Olivia's arms. Now everything was wrong. But she couldn't stop loving her, wanting to be with her. [This story is my take on why Alex didn't immediately contact Olivia when she got back from witness protection. I've futzed appallingly with timelines to suit my purposes, hope you can forgive me!]
1. Chapter 1

Irenka, the middle-aged Polish waitress looked up as the door to the diner opened. She smiled. It was one of her favorite customers. She smiled at her, and nodded slightly.

Alex Cabot smiled back at the waitress. She liked her. She was quiet, and she left her alone, but always gave her a warm smile of welcome. The evening was cold, and it had started to snow. She settled in her usual booth by the window, deciding to leave her coat on until she warmed up.

Irenka approached, with a pot of tea and a cookie. Alex never ordered anything to eat but, after she had been a customer for almost six weeks, the waitress had started bringing her a home-made cookie with her tea. Irenka smiled as she placed the tea on the table. She touched Alex's hand very lightly. "Drink," she instructed. "Warm."

Alex nodded and gave a small smile as Irenka withdrew. She never over-stepped the mark, but there was something about the plump woman that made Alex feel cared for. She knew exactly how she liked her tea, and she always served her immediately. And the kindness of the daily cookie tugged at Alex's heart.

Irenka watched her mystery customer – she didn't know Alex's name – as she settled in her seat. She had been coming, every weekday, arriving just after 5pm and sometimes staying until midnight, for over three months now. She always looked tense, and her eyes never left the window, though she always held a book. It had taken over a week of close observation for Irenka to realize that the sad-looking blonde was waiting _for_ someone. And, when she saw the person she was waiting for, she would wait a few minutes and leave. Alone. She always left a $10 dollar tip, without fail, and nodded appreciatively to Irenka as she left.

Irenka was surprised to see that the person that her customer was waiting for was a woman; the same woman, every night. She looked a similar age to the blonde, maybe a few years older. It was hard to tell. Most nights, she strode from the subway stop that was a few hundred yards away. Occasionally, she alighted from a cab, but when that happened, it was often close to midnight, and she would look tired and drawn.

Twice, Irenka had noticed her beautiful customer looking ever more tense as the other woman failed to materialize. She hated having to throw her out of the diner when it shut at 2am, but she had had no choice. Last night was almost as bad, as the woman being watched had returned after 10pm, with her arm in her sling and a large, ugly bruise on her face. Irenka had tried not to react as the blonde lost all color in her face and darted to the rest room. She could see, when she emerged, that she was shaken, but still she said nothing.

Alex was tense. She hated that Olivia would have gone to work the next day even with her injuries, but she knew that she had. She looked up at Olivia's apartment window, which was almost directly opposite the diner, and she could see that no lights were on. The weather was bleak, and she shivered, even in the warmth of the diner.

When Irenka brought her a second pot of tea, Alex was startled and looked at her watch. She had been sitting, watching, for over two hours. That's all she could seem to do now.

For the long three years Alex had spent in Witsec, she had waited to take up the reins of her life again. She had marked time in a variety of jobs, most of which were beneath her. She had been surprised to find that her favorite position had been teaching high-school English. Apart from the connection with the students, which had helped to ground her during this time, she had enjoyed feeling closer to Olivia, whose mother had also taught English. And, every opportunity she got, she introduced students to Jane Eyre, Olivia's all-time favorite book. That had helped.

But she had always reassured herself that, when it was all over, when Velez was finally extradited, she would be able to come back. To her life. To Olivia. Nothing had made any sense without Olivia. But now she had been back almost four months, and everything had gone to hell. In Witsec, Alex thought there could be nothing worse than being apart from Olivia. She had been wrong. As she looked up, and saw the cab pull up, Alex watched as Olivia eased herself gingerly from the seat, and walk stiffly to her apartment building. This was worse, Alex knew, as a tear rolled down her cheek. Having Olivia so close, but not being able to be with her. This was so much worse.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

As Detective Olivia Benson opened the door to her apartment, she felt empty. So empty. And sore. That perp had done a real number of her. She knew she had lost focus in the interrogation; she deserved to be suffering now. But she didn't care. A little bit of pain was nothing. And it didn't compare to the pain she was feeling internally.

A little over a month ago, Olivia had discovered that Alex was no longer in the witness protection program. She was, according to Casey, who she could tell had hated telling her, back in New York. She had been back for over three months, and she hadn't contacted her. She had spoken to Liz Donnelly, which was how Casey knew she was back. Inexplicably, she had apparently told her she wouldn't be able to come back to her position for a while, but that she would contact her in a few months.

Olivia had done everything she could to contact her, but today she found that Donnelly had, indeed, passed on her message to get in touch. And yet, Alex remained hidden from her. So she didn't want to see her.

Olivia closed her eyes as she sat on her couch, a wave of longing overwhelming her. She knew she hadn't been mistaken. She and Alex had only been together for eight months before … before the worst night of Olivia's life. She would never forget, kneeling on the sidewalk, her hands pressing on Alex's wounds, willing her to live. And then, for eight hours, she had believed her dead. She hadn't been able to express her feelings to Alex when she and Elliott had met up with her oh so briefly as she was taken away. But she knew, and she knew Alex knew. Nothing had changed between them, and nothing ever would.

Alex had even broken all the rules when she was away, and had written Olivia a letter every three months. It was cleverly phrased, but Olivia would know that handwriting anywhere. And in each carefully written sentence, Olivia could tell what Alex was thinking, what she was feeling. And she knew that Alex, like Olivia, was just waiting for the time to be right, and they would be together again.

A tear rolled down Olivia's face. What had changed? It was nearly six months since her last letter from Alex. She took the stash of letters from her bookshelf, hidden behind her copy of Jane Eyre, and fingered it. She lifted the letters to her nose, to catch a hint of Alex's perfume which she had sprayed lightly on the paper. She did not understand what could have gone so wrong.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Alex gathered her belongings, and stood up. The kindly waitress was wiping a table next to her, and smiled.

"She home safe?" Irenka asked in such a gentle voice that Alex wanted to cry.

Alex was startled; she had not known that her actions had been so transparent. She nodded. "She's safe," her voice cracked.

Irenka put a soft hand on her arm. "Is good," she said.

Alex nodded again. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Irenka smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

**[I'm SO sorry, I never intended to leave it this long between chapters. Work is relentless!]**

Irenka looked up and smiled; she felt oddly relieved. Her favorite customer, the quiet, thoughtful blonde had been inexplicably absent for the past three days. She never came in on weekends, but Mondays to Fridays, she was there without fail.

The blonde nodded at her and gave a small, shy smile. She looked tired, Irenka mused. Tired and … sad, she concluded.

Irenka brought tea and a cookie to Alex, who smiled her appreciation. "Is good to see you," Irenka said.

"I'm glad to be here," Alex told her.

"Sick?" Irenka enquired softly.

"I'm better now," Alex tried to smile.

Irenka withdrew. She could tell that the woman wanted quiet and solitude, and she would not intrude.

Alex looked out of the window and shivered. The snow was getting worse. It had been snowing relentlessly for nearly two days now, and she worried about Olivia's safety. Olivia's job was dangerous at the best of times, but it must surely become more hazardous in such treacherous conditions. Alex had, for once, traveled by subway, not wanting to risk bringing her car out on roads that were unpredictable at best. She shivered minutely, realizing that the snow had started to penetrate her thick coat, and she had only walked a few hundred yards.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Olivia Benson looked up from her desk. "Wha'?" she said irritably, realizing that Elliott was still talking. She had zero clue about what.

"Go home, Liv," he said gently. "It's turning into a real blizzard."

"I'll catch a few hours in the crib," she said, irritably. She wouldn't sleep anyway, she knew that. Her sleep had been interrupted and sketchy since Alex had been shot, but the last couple of months had been even worse than usual. Knowing that Alex was back, back in the city, even back in her own apartment, was almost more than she could bear. What did that mean about what they had shared? And those letters that Alex had written to her from Witness Protection. Alex had risked everything to keep in contact with her. And those letters; they were so beautiful. Did this now mean everything she had said was a lie? Olivia shook her head, trying to dispel the memory of her injured lover easing herself into the SUV. She looked up, to see Elliott holding out her jacket.

"Now," he said, firmly. "You want a ride?"

"You're leaving?" Olivia was confused.

"I sure am. Kathy just called and threatened," he winced and grinned. "Well, you don't wanna know what she threatened. But I'm going."

"You are so whipped," Olivia tried to inject some levity.

"Yup," he grinned, happily.

"I'll get the subway," Olivia stood and let him help her into her jacket. "But thanks."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Alex started. She realized she had been dozing, and she didn't know how long for. She felt shaky, and wished she had been able to eat more in the last few days. She prayed that she had not missed Olivia's return from work. Not being able to talk to her, to touch her, was almost more than she could bear. But she could bear it if she had to. To protect Olivia. The truth would be too much for Olivia to handle. But she needed to at least see her, to reassure herself that she was safe. And then, maybe, once it was all over. Maybe then … Alex's heart contracted. It wasn't fair to expect anything from Olivia.

Alex picked up her tea, and realized it was almost cold. Irenka looked up and saw her inadvertent moué of distaste at the lukewarm liquid. A few minutes later, she brought a fresh cup to her. She patted her gently on the arm and withdrew.

Alex wanted to cry. She didn't know why this woman's kindnesses affected her so much. Maybe it was because she hadn't experienced much kindness in recent months. Surreptitiously she wiped away a tear. And then she saw her. Olivia.

Olivia struggled through the snow; it was only a few hundred yards from the subway station to her apartment, but the snow and wind were fierce. By the time she reached the doorway to her apartment block, Olivia was covered with snow.

She was still wearing that jacket, though, Alex saw. The leather jacket that she had given her for her last birthday before … before everything had gone so catastrophically wrong.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Olivia sank into the armchair, and rested her head in her hands. She wanted a drink so badly, but she had deliberately avoiding keeping any liquor in her apartment since Alex had gone. She was afraid, as she had never been before, that she could turn into her mother. She had seen her mother taking solace in the bottom of a bottle, and that had led to disaster.

Alex had been so sweet when her mother had died. She died almost a year before they had gotten together, but the comfort and kindness Alex had offered had been way more than just a friend would give. Olivia felt hot tears burn. She swallowed. She stood and shook herself. She didn't care, any more. Just this once, she would get a half bottle of whisky. Feeling numb had to be better than feeling like she did right now.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Alex took out her wallet and extracted a couple of bills. She saw Irenka watching her quietly as she shrugged into her coat. There was no point staying any longer tonight. Olivia was in safe, and she really should get home before the whole city ground to a halt. Cabs were still running; maybe she would catch one home. She felt cold and numb with exhaustion, but she knew she wouldn't sleep, not properly.

Alex strode out into the night, startled by how low the temperature had gotten. The sidewalk was slushy under her feet, as the salt that the city had spread melted it without, it seemed, making it any less cold.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Olivia pulled her jacket up to her neck as she exited her building, trying to ward off the bitter cold. And then she saw her. It couldn't be. She took a few steps forward, convinced that it was just wish fulfilment. The woman was standing right in front of her, her hand out to hail a cab.

"Alex?" Olivia's voice shook as she placed a soft hand on her shoulder.

Alex whipped round and saw the one person she most wanted to see … and most wanted to avoid. Her heart raced as she tried to adapt to the shock. She swayed, her fragile grasp on her own equilibrium faltering. "Liv?" her voice was weak. The sidewalk shimmered in front of her, and then tilted. She felt sick. She reached out a hand to steady herself, but could find nothing to anchor herself.

Olivia tried to catch Alex as she fell, concentrating on protecting her head from the unforgiving concrete. They ended up in an inelegant heap, Alex's body cushioned by melting snow. The fresh snow kept coming down. Olivia looked at Alex's pale face, and shivered, remembering the last time she had been so white; she had been lying on the sidewalk then. But she hadn't been shot this time, Olivia forced herself to remember. She looked sick, but she was unhurt.

Olivia shook herself. Very gently, she placed a soft hand on Alex's cheek, relieved when she started to come around. "Let's get you inside," she said, after a few moments, and helped her to her feet.

Alex allowed Olivia to guide her to her apartment. She was in shock, and knew this shouldn't happen. But just the feel of Olivia's strong arm around her waist was too hard to resist. Before she knew it, she was on Olivia's couch, a blanket around her shoulders.

"You're like ice," Olivia's voice drifted toward her. "I'm gonna run the tub."

When Alex looked around next, she was alone in Olivia's living room. It was just as she had remembered, with the exception of a large, black and white photograph of herself on the table next to her. She remembered that day – Olivia had insisted on spending a day at Coney Island. Alex had initially protested, until she had realized that Olivia had never been. It was yet another thing that she had missed during her lonely childhood. So Alex had acquiesced, and the look of delight on Olivia's face had filled her with joy.

"Oh God," Alex realized what was happening. Olivia had suffered so very much; at the age of 33, she had seen more misery than anyone should see in a lifetime. She couldn't put her through any more. Shakily, she got to her feet. She saw a pad of paper by the phone. She tried to hold it together as she wrote the note:

_Liv, I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry._

And then she left.

The temperature as Alex stood on the sidewalk, waiting for a cab, was colder than she had ever experienced. It was only then that she realized that she was soaked through. Her woolen coat, usually so warm, was dripping with ice. When the cab rolled up, she managed to get the door open with numb fingers, and gave her address.

It was barely warmer in the cab, and Alex's heart froze further when she looked up and saw Olivia's distraught face at the apartment window. "Can you turn up the heat?" her teeth chattered.

"Heater's bust, lady," the cabbie replied laconically.

By the time Alex got to her apartment, the cold had numbed her reflexes. It took her three attempts to get her wallet open, and she had no idea how she managed to make her way to the elevator. Her doorman wasn't at his post, and for that she was grateful. She wasn't sure she could formulate any words to explain her state.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Hastily, Olivia flung on some dry clothes, and then pelted down the stairs, not waiting for the elevator in her building. She hailed a cab, and gave Alex's address. This was not going to happen again. And there was something wrong; she could just tell. She had never seen such depths of misery as she had seen in Alex's eyes. She didn't care what it took, she was going to take care of Alex. Somebody had to.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Alex didn't even look up as Olivia let herself into the apartment. Olivia was surprised, though relieved, to find that her old keys worked. Alex was huddled on the couch, a tinge of blue around her lips. She wasn't even shivering. Olivia touched her face; it was ice cold. Alex didn't react.

Olivia could tell that Alex was in shock, and was also probably in the early stages of hypothermia. "I'm going to take you to the hospital," she said gently.

Alex blinked.

"I'm just going to get you some dry clothes, and then I'll get a cab, and we'll get you checked over."

Alex shook her head slightly. "No," she whispered weakly. "No hospital."

"Alex, you're sick. I'm going to take care of you."

Alex jerked away from her. "No," her voice was panicky. "No hospital," she was crying now. "No doctors. I can't … please … don't make me." She stumbled to her feet.

Olivia could see real fear in her eyes. "Okay, honey," she spoke softly.

"No hospital," Alex's breathing was coming in short gasps. "I'm … I can't .. it's ..."

Olivia stood in front of her, careful not to touch her. "It's okay," she said. "Alex, look at me."

When Alex's fear-filled eyes lifted to meet her own, Olivia felt her heart explode. Something was wrong. Very wrong. Alex was starting to shake though, and this was a good sign; at least her body was trying to warm itself up.

Olivia reached out tentatively, and was relieved when Alex allowed her to place her hand on her arm. "Okay, honey. I won't take you to the hospital. I swear. I'm going to try and warm you up here, okay? We're going to get you dry and in bed. I'm going to light the fire in your room, and then I'll get in the bed with you and hold you. Skin-to-skin, that'll warm you up gently. Can I do that?"

Alex reached out for her hand and grasped it surprisingly strongly. "I didn't cheat on you," she said, her voice shaking.

"C'mon," Olivia started to slide Alex's soaked coat off her shoulders. She suppressed a gasp. Alex was thinner than she had ever seen her … all apart from her belly. Olivia instinctively placed her hand on the cold flesh; she had imagined this moment, but it had never been like this. Alex was pregnant, five or six months by the look of it.

"I didn't cheat," Alex tried to stem her tears.

Olivia leant down and scooped her into her arms. "I'm going to take care of you now," she whispered, grateful as Alex buried her face in her neck. "It's going to be okay."


	3. Chapter 3

As Olivia carried Alex tenderly into the bedroom, she couldn't help but wonder about her words. "I didn't cheat," Alex had whispered.

Olivia lowered the shaking woman onto the bed. If she hadn't cheated, and was now pregnant … there was only one way that could have happened. Olivia shut her eyes momentarily. She couldn't bear it. She couldn't bear to think of Alex suffering in that way.

She shook herself mentally, and turned her attention to Alex who sat unsteadily on the edge of the bed. "Is it okay if I get you out of these wet clothes?" Olivia asked softly. Whatever happened now, she couldn't take any control from Alex.

Alex stared at her, her gaze unfocused.

Olivia touched her cold face. "I'm going to start with your shirt," she said calmly. Alex didn't react as Olivia undid the buttons and lowered the shirt down her arms.

Olivia had forgotten that this view of Alex would be so shocking; apart from the unmistakeable bulge of the pregnancy, she looked thinner and frailer. And her shoulder, previously so beautiful and strong, now held the vicious scarring of the two bullets that had nearly ended her life three years before. Olivia remembered the horror of Alex's blood pouring through her fingers as she fought desperately to keep her alive. She remembered too the devastation of those few hours when she had believed that she had failed. This was not the time to get lost in those memories; Alex was here, in front of her, and she needed her.

"Liv?" Alex's voice was weak.

Olivia leaned forward and dropped a feather-light kiss on the raised flesh of the scarred shoulder. "You're still so beautiful, Alex," she whispered, as she wrapped her in a towel. "We just gotta get you warm and dry. Put your arms around my neck, that's it, good girl," Olivia kept up a low, soothing commentary as she draped Alex's arms about her neck and lifted her a few inches so that she could ease off her pants and underwear. In just a couple of minutes, Alex was dry and wrapped in warm blankets.

"You okay there for a minute?" Olivia asked.

Alex didn't reply.

Olivia swiftly lit the fire in the room, and then helped Alex into a pair of her own cotton boxer shorts that she had been startled to find in a drawer, as well as a loose sleeveless t-shirt. She guided Alex into the bed, drew the quilt up to her chin and grabbed a stack of blankets from the closet, which she piled on. Quickly, she stripped off her own clothing, leaving just her boxers and her vest. "Skin-to-skin is best," she said quietly to Alex as she climbed into the bed next to her and gathered her into her arms, trying not to react as Alex's oh-so-cold skin touched her own.

Olivia knew that Alex's tremors were a good thing; her body was at last trying to warm itself. "It's okay, honey," she whispered, gratified as she felt Alex reach out and grasp her vest. "I'm going to take care of you now."

"I didn't cheat," Alex choked out again.

"I know, baby. I know. Try not to think, sweetheart. We'll fix you right up."

Olivia held Alex close to her, trying to absorb her shaking, whispering lovingly to her. She was unsurprised when, after a few hours, the tremors were overtaken by sobbing. Alex had cried before; hell, they had both had their bad times, and they had comforted each other. But this was new, this raw, unfettered agony. Olivia didn't know what to do. She wanted to get Alex to a doctor, but the fear in Alex's eyes when she had mentioned the hospital had been real and palpable. She touched her cheek again, and was relieved to feel that she was warmer. She should get her some medical attention, but it wasn't urgent. Right now, Alex needed to feel safe, and Olivia would do all that she could to make sure that she did.

It was the longest night that Olivia could ever remember. She was alert to every change in Alex's breathing, every involuntary movement, every whimper.

Finally, at about 5am, Alex's breathing seemed to even out; the terrified gasps gave way at last to sleep. Even in her sleep, Alex clung to Olivia's vest, her fist clenched tight. Olivia did not try to remove it, but caressed it lovingly in the hope that she would relax in her sleep. The fist remained clenched, and the misery etched on Alex's face lingered.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Alex blinked and swallowed. Her head pounded. She snuggled into the warm body next to her. She knew this body so well; the shape, the scent, the strong arms. "Liv?" Alex was confused. Was this a dream?

"Hey, sleepyhead," Olivia said.

"Wha'?" Alex tried to sit up, but the movement made her head pound viciously.

"Shh," Olivia whispered. "Just try to relax."

Fragments of the previous evening drifted back into Alex's mind; she shut her eyes against the horror of it all. She had wanted to protect Olivia. Above all, Olivia could not be hurt again. She couldn't bear it. She wanted to move, but the touch of Olivia's gentle fingers against her face, and the soothing tones of her voice were irresistible.

"Here," Olivia raised her slightly and held out a glass, guiding her to drink. "That's it, just another sip. Bad head, huh?" she soothed her forehead. "Hydrating will help. Try and sleep a little more, you're exhausted."

Alex grunted, and buried her face in Olivia's warm front. If this was a dream, she never wanted it to end.

Olivia held her tenderly, pleased when she slept for another 90 minutes.

Alex awoke again, more alert this time. She reached out a shaky hand and touched Olivia's arm. "Not a dream?" she whispered. "Real?"

"You're not dreaming," Olivia said softly.

Alex's face crumpled, tears falling silently.

"Lex, it's only me," Olivia rubbed her back.

"I … you shouldn't be here. I didn't want you to see this. It's all wrong," Alex tried to formulate her words.

"What's wrong, darling?" Olivia asked.

"This. It's not fair. I can't expect you...," Alex was gasping now.

Concerned that Alex was on the verge of a panic attack, Olivia rubbed her back gently. "It's okay. You don't have to tell me anything. It'll be alright. We'll make it right," she whispered.

"Can never be alright," Alex choked out.

Olivia tightened her grip, relieved when Alex clung tight to her. She rocked her, her heart breaking at each whimper.

After a few minutes, Alex calmed a little. "Alexandra," Olivia spoke softly. "We'll fix this. I have just two questions. Do you still love me?"

Alex turned in Olivia's grip and looked up at her face. "More than air," she whispered.

"And do you want to be with me?"

"Of course," Alex's breathing quickened again. "But … it just..."

"No 'buts'," Olivia said. "Whatever has happened, whatever you feel, however bad things seem, we'll fix it. We'll fix it together. I'm strong, Lex. You don't have to protect me. I want to help you. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. The only way you're going to get rid of me is if you kick me out."

"I was raped," Alex whispered, nausea rising as she said the words.

"I know, baby," Olivia realized that she had known the second she saw the bump. Alex had never been into men, and she would never have written her those beautiful letters if she had been cheating on her. "I know," she kissed her very softly on the forehead. "And I'm so sorry. I'm so very, very sorry. And I'm here. With you. I'm not going anywhere."

Alex started to weep anew. "I'm not going to keep the baby," she whispered. "I can't be a mother to his child."

Olivia rocked her gently. "Whatever you decide, my darling, I'll be here with you."


	4. Chapter 4

Alex slept again, fitfully, but it was better than nothing, Olivia mused. She held her lovingly, her heart shattered at the thought of all that Alex had suffered. It just wasn't fair. The shooting was bad enough, but being torn away from all that she knew, all that she loved, had been unbearable for her. Olivia knew from the illicit letters that Alex had written to her during Witness Protection that she had only just been holding on.

Olivia forced herself to think about the rape that had resulted in Alex's pregnancy. She swallowed, trying to quell the nausea that rose at the thought of that beautiful body being violated in such a violent manner.

Alex whimpered in Olivia's arms.

"Shh," Olivia cradled her close, letting her fingers run softly over her brow. "You're safe, Lex. I'm here. I'm never letting you go again. Shh," she saw Alex's face crease as misery followed her, even in her sleep. "I'm here, baby." Olivia held her gently, her heart breaking at the shadows under her eyes. Alex looked like she hadn't slept in months – and she was far too thin. Her pregnant belly contrasted starkly with the rest of her body.

"Liv?" Alex's voice shook. Alex kept her eyes shut; she was terrified that, if she opened them, the dream would end. It wouldn't be Olivia holding her. But these arms, they felt like her. And that scent – nobody smelt as sweet, as delicious, as Olivia did.

"It's okay, Alexandra," Olivia wiped a tear from the blonde's face. She cupped her cheek, grateful to find it warm, at last. "Try and relax, sweetheart."

Alex turned and buried her face once more in Olivia's front. Her hand reached out and unwittingly grasped a soft breast; as she had done countless thousands of times, she ran her thumb over a taut nipple.

Olivia forced herself not to react. Alex was asleep again, and this was just an unconscious action. Alex needed to feel secure and safe; that's all that this meant.

Alex bolted upright twenty minutes later, her heart racing, her breath coming in short gasps.

Olivia could feel the sudden tension in Alex's limbs, and released her. Alex was having a nightmare, and it was important that she didn't feel trapped.

Alex blinked as she looked at Olivia in the bed next to her. Her face crumpled, and she buried her head in her hands.

"Lex?" Olivia touched her arm very gently with one finger, relieved when she didn't pull away. "Can I hold you?"

Wordlessly, Alex turned and flung herself into Olivia's arms.

As Alex wept, the sobs wracking her whole body, a small part of Olivia was relieved. She wondered if Alex had been able to cry properly since this horror had begun. It was awful to watch, but maybe, just maybe, this was the first step on the way to recovery.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Two hours later, the two women sat on the couch, still wrapped in warm blankets. Alex continued to shiver from time to time, as if her body remembered the vicious cold of the previous evening. She was as pale as milk, and had eaten very little of the light lunch that Olivia had prepared for her.

"I know you don't want to go to the hospital," Olivia said gently, trying not to react to Alex's involuntary start and expression of fear. "And I swear to you I'm not going to force you to do anything. That's a promise, Alex," she touched her hand lightly. "But you had a real shock yesterday, and I'm worried that you got so very cold. Do you think maybe we could drop in to see your OB GYN? Just to reassure ourselves that you are both okay," she rested her hand unconsciously on Alex's belly.

Alex nodded dumbly. "I have an appointment; this afternoon, I think," her voice was scratchy, and her hands shook as she held the mug of hot tea. "Liv?" she looked at the mug, trying not to cry as some liquid sloshed over the side. She couldn't control her emotions, and now it seemed she couldn't control her body either.

Quickly, Olivia took the mug from her and placed it on the table. She took Alex's hands in her own and kissed the fingers very softly. Tremors wracked Alex's body; Olivia spoke quietly and calmly, and she pulled Alex into her lap, soothing her as her body eventually calmed. "When's your appointment, baby?" she asked her after rocking her for ten minutes.

"Card. My wallet," Alex was barely conscious, able only to concentrate on Olivia's loving touch.

Olivia reached out and grabbed Alex's coat from the nearby chair. She extracted the wallet from the pocket. "I'm going to look, okay?"

"'kay," Alex didn't care any more. She just wanted to stay in Olivia's embrace for ever.

"Four-thirty," Olivia said after a few moments. She turned the appointment card over. "It's just around the corner from my apartment," she was surprised. Why would Alex travel across town when there were many reputable doctors nearer her own place?

"Wanted to be close to you," Alex was starting to wake properly.

Olivia's eyes filled with tears. "Okay, honey," she stroked Alex's head. "Think you can sleep for a little longer?" she looked at her watch. They had over two hours before they would have to leave.

"Don't want to sleep," Alex shivered again.

"How about a hot bath? How does that sound?"

Alex nodded.

"Stay there. I'll go run the tub," Olivia lay her down carefully on the couch, making sure she was warmly wrapped in the blankets.

Five minutes later, Olivia was back. She roused Alex from the couch, and led her to the bathroom. She sat her on the closed toilet seat. "How do you want to do this?" she asked softly, wanting to ensure that she didn't intrude on Alex's privacy.

Alex just stared at her, a confused expression on her face.

"You want me to leave while you bathe?" Olivia asked.

Alex shook her head.

"You're okay for me to stay?" Olivia wanted to be sure.

"Of course. You've seen me naked thousands of times."

_Yes, but not since you became a victim._

Olivia tried to block out that thought. "Just tell me if there's anything you're not comfortable with, and I'll back off," she promised.

Alex was docile as Olivia helped her to undress and guided her into the tub. For the first time, Olivia could really see just how pregnant Alex was – and how thin, too. As she helped her to sit in the warm water, she also saw for the first time the exit wounds from the back of her shoulder and had to steel herself not to react. She was still Alex, Olivia reminded herself, as she soaped her down gently. "Is this okay?"

Alex nodded. "It is," she was even surprised herself. She hadn't expected to be so relaxed without her clothes on. She reached out and clasped Olivia's hand. "I guess it's because I know I'm safe with you," she whispered.

"Always," Olivia told her. "Always."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"Can my girlfriend come in with me?" Alex asked at the OB GYN's office.

"Of course," Dr Maria Henning replied. She held out her hand. "You must be Olivia," she smiled.

Olivia nodded. She warmed inwardly; Alex had obviously talked about her.

"I'm pleased you've worked things out," Henning told Alex. Alex nodded, sitting in the chair next to Olivia, but never relinquishing her hand.

"So how have you been?"

Alex shrugged.

"Okay," Henning was gentle and unhurried; she impressed Olivia with her calm, reassuring manner. "I'm just gonna get some information from you. The usual, weight, heart, blood pressure, you know the drill."

Alex nodded again.

"You still seem a little thin," Henning said, as Alex reluctantly removed her coat. "Any improvement on the nausea?"

"Not much," Alex sounded miserable.

"Are you still getting sick?"

Alex nodded, and dashed away a tear. She was pissed with herself; she didn't seem to be able to control her emotions at all today.

"Today?" Henning's tone was kind.

Alex nodded again.

"Before or after lunch?" Henning tried to pin her down.

"Both," Alex whispered, avoiding Olivia's eye.

Olivia stepped up to stand close to her. She said nothing, placing a soft hand on her back.

"I'm sorry," Alex whispered to her.

"You don't have to be sorry," Olivia told her. "She's had a rough couple of days," she told Henning.

"Well we're just going to have to try and make sure things get better from here on in," the doctor said, trying to sound positive.

"Just tell me what I can do to help," Olivia said.

Henning looked at Alex's girlfriend, and she felt more optimistic for her fragile patient. The tall brunette was looking at her with such love in her eyes that she knew that things were going to improve for Alex.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Alex was shaking as they got into the elevator. As the doors slid shut, she rested her head on Olivia's shoulder. "Thank you," she whispered.

"You don't have to thank me," Olivia held her close. "Home now, huh?"

"Can we go to your place?" Alex asked weakly. "I hate it at my apartment. I don't know why."

"Maybe because you've been so unhappy there," Olivia said. "Of course we can go to mine. We can stay there for as long as you like. We can stay there for ever if you want."

"I haven't told you what happened," Alex said, as the elevator came to a halt and the doors slid open.

"You'll tell me when you're ready," Olivia lifted Alex's hand to her mouth and kissed it. "There's no hurry for anything."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"I can't leave her," Olivia whispered into her phone; she looked over at Alex who was curled up on the couch, her face pale and her eyes shut. "Thank you sir, that would be great. Of course. I'll let you know."

Olivia slid onto the couch next to Alex and placed a soft hand on her leg. Alex leant into her. "I've taken some time off, Lex. The rest of this week, and all of the next two weeks. No," she saw Alex about to protest. "This is as much for me as it is for you. I need to be here. I love you, Alexandra."

Alex nodded. "Hold me?" she allowed Olivia to pull her into her lap.

Olivia ran her hand lovingly through Alex's hair. Somehow, despite all the trauma, her hair was still thick and lustrous, and Olivia's heart contracted at the all-too-familiar feel of it.

"It was my doctor," Alex whispered.

Olivia continued her gentle caresses.

"I hated my scars from the shooting. They look so ugly. They make _me_ ugly," Alex said.

"_Nothing_ could make you ugly," Olivia told her. "Nothing."

"I found a plastic surgeon. I'm not an idiot, I checked him out; I did lots of internet research. So many people said he was fantastic. I knew they were getting close to Velez, so I thought it would be real nice to come back, as I was before. Unmarred," her breathing hitched.

"You don't have to tell me," Olivia soothed.

"He drugged me," Alex told her, nausea rising as the memories assaulted her. "I couldn't move. But I could see everything. I could feel everything. He hurt me," tears streamed down her face. "He bit me. On my breast. On my thighs. And then," she was gasping now. "He … he … Oh fuck," she levered herself upright. "Liv, I'm gonna throw..."

Olivia grabbed for the trashcan as Alex's stomach erupted and she lost the meager amount she had eaten. "Liv, I'm ..." Alex gagged.

"Alex, it's okay. You're okay. I'm here, baby. I'm not going anywhere. Let it all out, Lex. Try to slow your breathing if you can," she held her hand to Alex's sweaty forehead, supporting her head as she convulsed. "That's it. Good girl. That's better, huh? We'll get you some ginger ale real soon. I'm so sorry, my darling. That's it, once more? Don't hold back. Get it all out. I'm so proud of you, Alexandra. You're so strong. So beautiful. We'll get through this together."

Olivia had never seen such misery, and her heart split in two. But she had to stay strong for Alex; she had to do whatever she could to alleviate some of her pain. She would help her through it. She would take as much time as Alex needed. She would leave her job if she needed to. Right now, she couldn't see further than what Alex needed from her. She didn't want to.

Alex finally collapsed into Olivia's arms, her whole body shaking, as she continued to gasp.

Olivia ran her hand through her sweat-soaked hair. She rocked her very gently. "My beautiful girl," she whispered. "My baby."

Alex fell into a fitful sleep in Olivia's arms, whimpering periodically.

After an hour together on the couch, Olivia stood up and picked Alex up, saddened at how light she was. Alex murmured but remained asleep as Olivia carried her into the bedroom, and lay her down gently.

Olivia left her, returning a few minutes later with a basin of soapy water, a washcloth and a towel. Slowly, lovingly, she started to wipe Alex down, starting with her face.

Alex blinked, and looked at her.

"Just gonna get you clean and dry," Olivia started to peel off her sticky shirt, shocked by the sweat. "Then we're gonna sleep, okay honey? Just for a couple of hours. And after that, maybe we'll try some scrambled egg or something. It's going to be okay, baby," she stroked Alex's pale cheek. "You're going to be okay."

"Be okay," Alex whispered, her eyes closing. She couldn't believe how exhausted she was. She couldn't think. All she could focus on was Olivia's soft hand, gentling her cheek. Olivia would fix this. Somehow, Olivia was going to make it all better.


	5. Chapter 5

Olivia smiled as she looked down at the blonde woman in her arms. It was eleven days since she and Alex had reconnected, and this was the first time that Alex had looked truly peaceful, even in her sleep.

Alex turned slightly, burrowing deeper into Olivia's embrace. The first morning light was streaking through the drapes, but Olivia hoped that she would sleep a while longer. She had been asleep now for almost five hours, the longest she had managed in the past few months. Alex mumbled. Olivia touched her cheek very softly. "Sleep, baby," she whispered, pleased as Alex's breathing evened out again.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

When Alex sat up sharply, a look of panic on her face, Olivia was there to hold her, to soothe her. "You're okay, my darling. You're with me, remember?"

Alex nodded as her heart rate slowed. "How long?" her voice was thick with sleep.

"Nearly seven hours," Olivia couldn't keep the pleasure out of her voice. "How do you feel, baby?"

Alex swallowed, and blinked. "Good," she said after a beat.

"Nausea?" Olivia pressed.

"Hardly at all," Alex was relieved. She hadn't thrown up at all in 40 hours, longer than she could remember since she had discovered, to her horror, that she was pregnant.

Olivia kissed her very softly on the lips. "You are looking especially beautiful today," she said, forcing herself not to run her hand over Alex's bump. She meant what she said – now that Alex was feeling a little better, Olivia was able to see just how much pregnancy suited her. It made her white with fury that Alex wasn't able to enjoy this time.

Only Olivia knew that Alex had always wanted children, and that they had planned to create a family together. This pregnancy, the result of a vicious rape, seemed to mock their ambitions, their plans to be mothers together. And Alex had felt so bad about choosing to have her rapist's child adopted that she had hidden away from Olivia when she returned from witness protection. Alex was worried that Olivia would see her rejection of the baby as a rejection of Olivia herself – after all, she, too, was the product of a rape.

"You look beautiful _all_ the time," Alex told Olivia, meaning every word. She was furious to find herself tearing up. "And I want you Liv," Alex reached out, one finger ghosting over Olivia's plump nipple. "I want to touch you. To taste you. But," she inhaled sharply. "I … I just …,"

"Stop," Olivia said gently. She caught Alex's hand and drew it to her lips, kissing it softly. "It'll be okay, Alexandra. We'll get it back. We'll get everything back. Right now, I'm just happy that I can hold you. What you went through, baby, nobody should have to deal with that. _Nobody_. And I'm just so sorry. I'm so sad. But I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. Whatever we have to do to make it better, we'll do it. And we'll do it together. Just don't shut me out, Lex. I'm strong enough for the two of us. And I love you more than I ever imagined I could love anyone," she wrapped her arms around Alex. "Nothing is going to change that."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"It's beautiful today," Alex spoke quietly as she and Olivia strolled through Central Park. And she was right; the snow was melting in the winter sun, and the park looked starkly beautiful. She tightened her grip on Olivia's hand. "Bench?" she suggested.

As they settled on to the bench together, Alex instinctively leant into Olivia's warm body. "You okay?" Olivia asked.

Alex nodded. "I need to tell you," she said, trying to force her voice to remain steady. "About that day."

Olivia kept quiet. She knew that Alex needed to process everything, and that this was a positive step for her. She had had to force herself not to ask questions, despite being desperate to know exactly what had gone down. But she trusted Alex, and she knew that she would tell her everything when she was ready.

"I have to back up a bit," Alex shut her eyes as she spoke. "I made a friend. In Chicago. That's where I was last. That's where …," she felt the press of Olivia's fingers and felt stronger. "My friend Annie. We met at the bookstore. She's an English professor, and I was teaching high school English. So we had things in common. We just got along, right from the start. Of course she knew me as Alison Bailey, but even with WitSec, we became good friends. I was as honest with her as I dared. I even told her about you," Alex opened her eyes and gazed at Olivia. She touched her cheek. "I told her we were apart because of your work, I let her think you were Secret Service or something. But I showed her your picture. I know I wasn't supposed to take any pictures with me, but I kept this one," she fumbled in her wallet, drawing out a small, laminated picture of Olivia smiling. Olivia recognized the picture as being from their first date, when Alex had been goofing about with her new digital camera.

Alex's hands shook as she slid the picture back in her wallet. "Anyway," she cleared her throat. "Annie was a good friend." She smiled slightly. "I think she would have liked more – well, I know she would, 'cos she asked me out that first day. But when I told her about you, she backed right off. And it's not like she was short of female admirers. She's kinda like you, in a way. She's so strong, and tough, but gentle. And she's gorgeous. Not in your league, of course, but she's pretty hot. She's a player, I suppose, in a way. I always teased her she would change when she met the right woman, and I still think I'm right about that. She used to say that she wouldn't settle for anything less than what I have with you – she told me that until she saw the same look in a woman's face that I would get when I talked about you, she was happy to play the field." Alex smiled at the memory. She was clearly very fond of this Annie.

"So she didn't try to muscle in on my woman," Olivia teased, just trying to lighten things a little for Alex.

Alex smiled. "I told her you were armed," she teased back. "So I used to see a lot of her, when she wasn't romancing another young chickie. We'd go to the movies, or the theater, or sometimes just hang out. She would tell me about her latest conquests, and I would talk about you."

"I'm so glad you had someone," Olivia said softly. She had hated to think of Alex so alone. Alex had always had a tendency to shut herself away, so knowing that she had had a good friend warmed her heart.

"When I left the clinic that day," Alex paled at the memory. "They put me in a cab. _She_ put me in a cab," she couldn't keep the bitterness out of her voice.

"She?" Olivia asked.

"His wife. She was his receptionist. She did it all the time, Liv. She put the drug in the coffee, and when his patients came out afterward, she would take care of them until they felt well enough to go home in a cab. How could she do that, Liv? Help him to abuse women like that?"

Olivia didn't answer. Even after all her years with SVU, she didn't have an answer for her.

"I went to Annie's place. She wasn't there, she was still at work, but I had a key, and I let myself in. I was so sick, Liv. The drugs …," she felt queasy just at the memory.

Olivia pulled her closer, noticing the she had shut her eyes again.

"Annie came home two hours later. She found me on her bathroom floor. She held me when I got sick yet again, and she listened. She wrapped me in warm blankets and held me until I stopped vomiting. She listened to all that had happened. I didn't want to report it. I was so scared. But Annie just said one thing. She asked me what you would want me to do."

Alex's head swam. "Take a break, Alexandra," Olivia whispered, running her hand lovingly up and down her back. "There's no hurry. Take some time."

Alex nodded. It was only Olivia's strong arms and warm body that kept her grounded. Almost ten minutes later, she continued. "Annie asked me what you would want. So I let her call the cops. Within half an hour they were there, but I freaked out because one of them was a man. So this uni – she was so kind – took my statement. And then Annie stayed with me when we went to the hospital for the examination."

"You did a rape kit?"

Alex nodded.

"My brave girl. My beautiful brave girl," Olivia whispered, resting her chin on Alex's head.

"They got him, Liv. After all that. Him and that bitch of a wife. They're both on remand, and more victims are still coming forward. Most of them didn't even know they'd been raped. They were knocked out – he raped some of them before performing surgery. But," she felt sick, "there were three of us, he said he wanted to watch our faces as he … he," her mouth filled with saliva.

"Shh," Olivia soothed. "It's over now Lex. You've been so brave. There you go," she watched as Alex's face started to regain a little of its color.

"The uni was so kind. And I lost it when they tried to pass me over to detectives, so she stayed with me throughout. They had to move her to the detective team temporarily. I just couldn't take anyone else. She spent so much time with me, and she even came out to Annie's apartment on the weekend when I had a panic attack, just a few days after I found I was pregnant. She stayed with me all day. I stayed at Annie's for close to a month after it all happened. She was so sweet to me."

"The court case?" Olivia prompted gently.

"It's gonna be in May. So many came forward; a 16-year-old, who thought she was still a virgin, she got pregnant too. She had a termination. I was going to, too. Annie took me to the clinic. I was just about to go in when I lost it. I couldn't … I mean, it's not the baby's fault. And I know," she looked deeply into Olivia's brown eyes, "I know better than anyone that a rapist's child can still be a wonderful person, and can still live a good, loving life. And this one," she rubbed her belly, "I'm going to make sure she gets a good home, and loving parents."

"She?"

"The baby is a girl. I was so relieved when I heard that. I don't know why, exactly, but..." Alex was crying again.

Olivia held her. As soon as Alex calmed a little, Olivia roused her. "You need to sleep, Alexandra. And I don't want you to fall to sleep here. Let's go back to the apartment."

Alex nodded. "There's something I want to do first. Can we go shopping? It won't take long, and I know exactly what I want."

"We can do whatever you want," Olivia rose and held out her hands, helping Alex to her feet.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

The waitress Irenka looked up as the door to the coffee shop opened, and her face split into a wide grin. She hadn't seen her favorite customer for nearly two weeks, and the sight of her, hand-in-hand with that beautiful woman she had been watching from the window, filled her with joy.

She touched Alex's arm. "Tea?" she asked. Alex smiled agreement. Irenka looked at Olivia. "And for you?"

"Coffee, black," Olivia said with a warm smile. "Thank you so much."

"You go sit, I bring," Irenka said, watching as the two women made their way to Alex's usual booth.

"She seems sweet," Olivia said. "She looked real pleased to see you."

"She was so kind to me," Alex said.

"How long did you come here?"

"Four months. Nearly every night during the week. I didn't think it was fair to be with you. So I just had to make sure you were okay. Just looking at you made me feel better."

Olivia's heart clenched. She could not imagination the devastation that Alex had suffered. She reached out and stroked her hand.

Irenka brought the tea and coffee, and then placed cookies in front of Alex and Olivia. Olivia looked surprised, and was pleased to see the warm smile on Alex's face. "Irenka has been spoiling me," Alex said softly. She patted the seat next to her. "Would you sit a moment?" she asked Irenka.

The plump Polish waitress hesitated for a second, and then sat. She smiled at Olivia. "Is good to see you together," she said, in accented English.

Olivia smiled back. "We'll always be together," she said.

Alex reached into her large purse and extracted a gift-wrapped package. Shyly, she held it out to Irenka. "You were so kind to me," she said. "I wanted to get something for you."

Irenka opened the package, and her eyes widened when she saw the large, powder-blue cashmere pashmina. "Is too much," she tried to pass it back to Alex.

"No," Alex said softly. "It's not. It's not enough. I was real sad when I came here, and you looked out for me. You made me feel safe. And," she smiled, "your cookies are delicious! Please take it. It will make me happy."

Irenka nodded. Impulsively, she kissed Alex on the cheek. Embarrassed, she rose to her feet, gathering her gift. She looked over at Olivia. "You be good to her," she instructed.

"I swear," Olivia smiled. "Thank you."


	6. Chapter 6

Alex was restless that night, unable to sleep as her memories swirled in her mind. But she didn't want to disturb Olivia. Her dear, wonderful Olivia had been so strong, so supportive. Alex knew that her lover had been devastated by what had happened but, as usual, had put herself last as she did everything she could to help Alex. So Alex lay still and hoped that Olivia was sleeping.

"Lex?" Olivia's voice was gentle as she lay a soft hand on Alex's back. "I know you're awake."

Alex shifted so that she faced Olivia. She saw worry, and exhaustion, in the detective's beautiful face. "I'm okay," she lied. "Just thinking."

"About?" Olivia prompted softly.

"Things. And Annie."

"Have you contacted her?"

Alex shook her head. "I didn't know what to say. I mean, how do you say, 'I'm so sorry I disappeared, but the drug baron who was trying to kill me is dead so I went back to my life in New York. Oh, and by the way, my name's Alex'?"

"Why not try exactly that?" Olivia tucked a strand of hair behind Alex's ear. "From what you tell me, she's pretty great. My guess is that she's going to understand."

Alex stared at her as though she was insane. She let the words sink in slowly. Maybe Olivia was right?

"What have you got to lose?" Olivia whispered, kissing her very softly on the lips. "Because you have a lot to gain. Wouldn't you like to have your friend back in your life?"

"I would," Alex said. "I really would."

"Tomorrow, then, huh?" Olivia suggested.

"'kay," Alex was suddenly exhausted. "Love you," she snuggled into Olivia, and was almost immediately asleep.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Olivia watched nervously as Alex took the phone into the bedroom. She had offered to go out, so that Alex could have complete privacy as she called, but Alex was vehement that she wanted her there. So Olivia persuaded her to go into the bedroom, so that she wouldn't feel inhibited. "I'm just out here if you need me," Olivia kissed her slowly, softly, trying to impart all the love she felt. She admired Alex so much – even with all she had been through, Alex was still essentially Alex. She was still strong, and forthright, and so honest it made Olivia's heart ache. Even in her fragility, Alex was still so much the woman Olivia had fallen in love with.

Olivia kept looking at her watch; it had been 40 minutes, though she had never known 40 minutes to take so long to elapse. Then she heard it, the chirp of the phone being replaced in its cradle. She forced herself to wait five minutes, hoping Alex would emerge on her own, but when the door remained closed, Olivia couldn't hold back. She tapped gently.

"s'okay," Alex sounded exhausted. "C'min."

Olivia saw her sitting on the bed, her face streaked with tears. In two strides she was at her side and gathered her in her arms. She could feel Alex's body shaking. "Was it awful?" she asked softly after a long while.

Alex shook her head and sniffed. Olivia handed her a tissue. "No. It was … it was …," she gave a small smile. "It was great, actually. I shouldn't have left it so long. She was wonderful. And she's coming to visit, on Saturday. Says she'll stay in the city for a few days. I can't wait to see her, Liv," Alex's eyes filled again. She hated that she couldn't seem to control her emotions at all.

Olivia sat on the bed next to her. "And I can't wait to meet her," she smiled. "So, are you feeling okay about the doctor visit?"

Alex nodded. Her blood pressure had been a little high, so she was having weekly appointments with her OB:GYN. "I feel okay today," she said. "And I've definitely put on weight, and it's not just the baby."

Olivia looked at her appraisingly. Alex was still too thin, her always beautiful cheekbones just a little too prominent. But Alex was right, she looked just a little more rounded, and didn't seem as sick and fragile as she had a week ago.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Dr Maria Henning looked up and smiled. "You're definitely doing better, Alex. And I'm so glad to hear the nausea is under better control.

"She's still getting sick sometimes," Olivia interjected protectively, not wanting Alex to gloss over her problems.

"But less than before, right?" Henning asked.

"Much less," Alex said. "Only twice this week so far."

"Well that's better than several times a day, isn't it?" Henning smiled. "You look more relaxed too Alex, and your pressure's better. It's still a little high, but ..."

"Can we do anything about that?" Olivia spoke up again.

"For now, watch your salt intake. But it's much better than it was. Come back to see me next week. Only seven more weeks, Alex," she placed a hand gently on Alex's arm. "You're doing so well. I know the circumstances are terrible, and I do so admire how you are coping."

"Liv is helping me. With everything," Alex said.

"Well, I would say you are both very lucky ladies."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"Are you nervous?" Olivia saw Alex move the couch pillow to one place, and then back to another, before picking it up and plumping it up.

Alex looked at her, and saw the smile in her eyes. She laughed at herself. "I don't know why I'm doing this," she said. "I don't imagine there's a single person on the whole planet who is less interested in couch pillows than Annie. And she's not going to be here until this evening."

Annie Bartlett – or Anna-Jane Bartlett-Wilde, to give her full name – pulled in at the gas station, relieved to see that the diner nearby looked clean. As she swung off her powerful Ducati motorcycle and removed her helmet, she realized that she was starving. She had left at 4.30am, determined to ride to New York in one day.

Annie had realized that something was amiss with her friend Alison; she knew that she hadn't told her the full story. But she knew, somehow, that Alison had told her all that she could. She had never detected any hint of dishonesty in the blonde beauty, and Annie had a finely-tuned bullshit meter. So she had been devastated when Alison had disappeared overnight, and all she had to go on was a brief text from her: _I'm so sorry. I have to go. I'll be in touch._

Quite apart from missing her friend's company, Annie knew that Alison was still deeply traumatized, and had a long journey in front of her. When her phone had finally rung a few days earlier, her heart has swooped with joy. So it was witness protection – that explained everything. And Alison was Alex. That would take some getting used to. She had teased her friend that she would just call her 'Al' from now on.

As she settled in the booth, and the perky waitress brought her food, Annie smiled to herself. Alison … Alex had sounded a little fragile, true. But she was back with her true love. Annie couldn't wait to get to know Olivia too. She also wanted to check that she was good enough for her friend. In eight hours or so, she would find out.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"I'm sorry, Casey. I'm out all of next week too. I don't really want to leave the apartment right now," Olivia tried to keep her voice low. "Alex is expecting a friend, and I … would you? I'm sorry to put you out. That's great. I'll see you in 20 minutes. I'll get the coffee on!"

Alex looked up at Olivia as she hung up the phone. "Casey needs a signature. She says she's going past here shortly. Are you okay to see her? I know she won't mind if you'd rather stay in the bedroom while she's here."

"No, it'll be fine," Alex said. "It'll be good to see her."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Casey came in bearing a bag with three tubs of ice cream. "I know Alex can't drink," she smiled as Olivia opened the door. "So I thought our friends Ben &amp; Jerry might be welcome!"

Alex levered herself off the couch and walked toward Casey. She saw the real concern and friendship in Casey's eyes, and pulled her into a tight hug. "It's great to see you Case," Alex said. "Coffee? It's not decaff, I promise. Liv won't let me drink it, but I'm enjoying the smell!"

Casey shook her head. She found herself unexpectedly moved by her friend's attempt to put her at her ease. "Gotta go," she gestured to the door. "Guy's coming to fix my front door, at last. So I daren't be late."

Alex touched her hand briefly. "Catch up soon?" she asked.

"Definitely," Casey said.

As she got into the elevator, Casey leant her head against the wall, and shut her eyes. Life was so unfair. Why did a good person like Alex have to go through such horrors?

The door slid open before she expected it, and her eyes shot open. In the doorway stood possibly the hottest woman she had ever seen. The woman was tall, subtly muscled, with ample breasts visible through her open leather jacket. She gave off an almost dangerous aura of power. She held a motorcycle helmet, her light brown hair was windswept and she had a streak of grime on her cheek. Casey had to clench her fist to stop her from reaching up and wiping it away. This woman was unbelievably beautiful – and this was even before Casey had spotted her deep, blue eyes. Her eyes were such a dark blue that they were almost violet. Casey could feel her nipples tighten involuntarily, and she realized she was staring.

The woman was looking back too, her gaze steady and appraising. "Hey Red," she said, in a low, throaty drawl, her voice drawing an instant pool of moisture to Casey's center.

Casey blushed; she had been caught openly staring. "Evening," she muttered, and scuttled out of the lobby.

Annie Bartlett grinned as she stepped into the elevator. If the shy redhead were any indication of the caliber of woman in New York, she was going to like the city very much.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Alex started at the soft knock on the door. "Want me to get it?" Olivia asked.

"I'll go," Alex was irritated to her the tremor in her voice.

Olivia touched her arm as she walked past.

Alex looked through the peephole and then opened the door. Annie stepped forward and took her in a warm hug, holding her lovingly. The two women embraced for a full five minutes, finally breaking apart. Annie looked into Alex's eyes, and brushed a tear from her own cheek. "Still red hot, I see," she teased.

"And still taken," Alex croaked, all moisture having left her mouth.

Annie pulled her back into her arms. "You look great," she whispered. "I've missed you so much."

Olivia stood awkwardly, not wanting to intrude on the intimacy of the moment. She knew that there was no hint of romantic relationship between the two women, but they were clearly as close as friends could get.

Annie rocked Alex for a few minutes. They finally pulled apart. Alex took Annie's hand, and pulled her fully into the apartment. "There's someone I want you to meet," she said.

Annie stepped forward, offering a hand to Olivia, glad to discover that she had a firm, warm handshake. "You have no idea how pleased I am to meet you," she said, her low, melodious voice warming and charming Olivia.

"It's mutual," Olivia smiled. "I know how much Alex loves you."

Annie quirked an eye. "Alex. Hmm. That just sounds odd. But," she eyed Alex. "Alison doesn't seem to fit any more either. I guess I'm just going to have to get used to it."

"Or you could just call her Princess," Olivia teased, knowing how much Alex hated that nickname.

"Not if you want to leave this apartment alive," Alex threatened.

Annie grinned widely. "Feisty as ever I see," she laughed.

"Always," Alex smiled. "C'mon, let me show you your room."

"Nu uh," Annie said. "I gotta hotel. No," she put her hands up as Olivia and Alex both started to protest. "I know. You are real kind, and it's not that I don't want to stay with you. But you two need your space right now. So don't argue. But you can get me a coffee if you want to, _Alexandra_," she drew out the full name with a smile.

"I'll get it," Olivia walked toward the kitchen. "You two get settled in there."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"So how's your love life?" Alex asked Annie. By common consent, all discussion of the rape, and the forthcoming court case, was off the table for the evening. She just wanted to reconnect with her friend, and she was thrilled to see that Annie and Olivia had immediately taken to each other, and were already teasing one another like old friends.

"Supreme, as always," Annie winked. In truth, she hadn't been with anyone for over six months. "And I spotted a particularly delicious redhead coming out of your elevator this evening, so I have high hopes for the ladies of New York!"

Olivia spluttered on her coffee.

"What?" Annie demanded. "Is the divine detective withholding information? Spill, officer."

Olivia smiled. "That delicious redhead is a friend of ours," she said.

"And far too good for you," Alex added with a grin. "She doesn't do one-night stands. She's strictly a relationship girl. Unless you're changing your MO, professor?"

"Nah," Annie leaned back, patting her full belly. "If it ain't broke...," she smiled. She sat up. "Right," she put her hands on her knees. "That was a delicious meal. Thank you," she spoke sincerely as she stood. "And I would dearly love to see you tomorrow." She saw Alex about to speak. "No, Alis... Alex. Let's not make any plans. You call me tomorrow if you feel like some company. If you don't, I have the whole of this big beautiful city to keep me entertained." She pulled Alex into a hug. "I love you," she said quietly. "_Anything_ you need. Anything. Just let me know."

Alex swallowed, her emotions threatening to overwhelm her. "Love you too, A-J," she used the nickname that she often had back in Chicago.

Annie let Olivia lead her to the door. As she opened it to leave, she turned back and pulled Olivia into a hug. "You're good for her," she whispered.

"She's good for me too," Olivia said.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Alex lifted the quilt as Olivia emerged from the bathroom. Olivia looked so gorgeous; her tanned legs shown off in the loose boxer shorts, and her taut nipples visible through the loose fabric of her over-sized t-shirt. Alex felt a quickening that she hadn't felt for so many months as Olivia slipped in beside her.

"You're so beautiful," Alex whispered. Tentatively, she reached out and lightly grasped a full breast. Her breathing hitched as the oh-so-familiar flesh nestled in her hand. "I'm not … I mean … I can't. Not today," Alex's voice shook. "But … can I see? Maybe touch?"

Olivia put her hand very lightly on Alex's. "You can do whatever you want, baby. I'm not going to … I mean. You're in charge. Always. Tonight, you just do what you want. I'm just enjoying being close to you."

Alex blinked away tears. Very gently, she lifted Olivia's t-shirt and guided it over her head. Her lover was warm and still slightly damp from the shower. "You didn't towel off properly," Alex chided. Her eyes were fixed on Olivia's plump, dark nipples. "Oh God, Olivia," she touched a nipple very lightly. "Oh sweet Lord."

Olivia forced herself to remain still, but she couldn't hold back a small moan of pleasure as Alex's tongue flicked over her turgid flesh. She felt Alex gather her nipple into her mouth and suckle gently. Then she realized that Alex was shaking. She was crying.

"Oh baby girl," Olivia stroked her head gently.

Alex reached out and grasped the breast, her mouth still working the pebbled flesh, but she couldn't stop the tears.

Subtly, Olivia shifted her position so that she was cradling Alex against her breast. "That's it, sweetheart. That's it. You're okay. You're safe," she rubbed her back lovingly. She glanced down at Alex's belly. "Six more weeks baby, and then this is over. I know. I know. It's going to be hard. But I'm with you. Good girl. And now we've got Annie in our corner too. It's all going to come good, Alexandra. You've been so brave. But it's okay." She felt Alex's breath start to even, though she didn't release her nipple. Olivia rested one hand on Alex's belly. "And we'll make sure it's all good for this one too. Something good is going to come of this, sweetheart. There," she wiped away tears from Alex's cheek. "I'm here with you."


	7. Chapter 7

"Don't you dare," Annie scolded Alex. "Don't you even start with me, blondie," she smiled.

Alex nodded. She felt miserable. She had wanted to take Annie to see some of her favorite sights of New York, but she had been blindsided by a well-meaning elderly woman at the Whitney, who had rubbed her belly and cooed and clucked. The woman had had no idea of the trauma behind Alex's pregnancy, so Alex had forced herself to be polite and friendly. And then she had quietly taken herself off to the rest room and succumbed to a full-blown panic attack.

As Annie had held Alex in her arms, on the floor of the handicapped stall at the art gallery, she had started to worry. She knew it was a panic attack, but as Alex gasped for breath and fought weakly, trying to escape perceived attackers, she had been close to calling for an ambulance. Fortunately, Alex started to calm just as she was reaching into her pocket for her phone.

Annie managed to get Alex back to the apartment, but she refused to hear a word of apology. "Your beautiful detective is on her way," she said as she clicked off her phone. "No, I didn't tell her. She just called me to see if we would be out for dinner or if she could cook for us. I offered to cook, but clearly you have already told her of my domestic prowess," she laughed.

Alex gave a small laugh too. Annie's idea of cooking a meal was cold meats or cheese, with whatever pickle she could find in her bio-hazardous refrigerator. Occasionally, when she really wanted to impress, she bought a microwave meal for two. This haphazard approach to domesticity didn't seem to have slowed her down in the number of romantic conquests she achieved. And, somehow, her lovers never seemed to resent her 'love-her-and-leave-her' attitude. Alex had long since concluded that this worked for Annie because of her absolute honesty. She would never lead anyone on, and she had many times gently turned down a girl who seemed too keen and who could be hurt by her approach.

Alex was startled out of her reverie by Annie's gentle hand on her back. "C'mon," Annie spoke gently, as she guided Alex to the couch. Before Alex knew what was happening, she was lying down, cocooned in warm blankets, her head on a soft pillow. Annie kissed her forehead gently.

Olivia let herself into the apartment fifteen minutes later, laden down with bags; she saw the dim lights, and noticed Alex asleep on the couch. She looked at Annie quizzically. "She was tired," Annie said quietly, as she stood and approached Olivia. She kissed her on the cheek. "How was your day?"

"Good," Olivia couldn't take her eyes off Alex. She guessed that she was more than 'tired', but respected Annie's decision not to break any possible confidences. "I dropped in at the station house, just to see what I've been missing. I had a chat with my captain too, I need to talk to Alex about that. And then I went to the market. Where did you two get to?"

"Just the Whitney," Annie tried to sound nonchalant.

"Where I freaked out," Alex called from the couch. "S'okay, Annie, you don't have to cover for me."

Olivia went to Alex's side, helping her to ease to a sitting position. She crouched in front of her, and touched her face. She kissed her slowly, lovingly. "Are you okay now?" she asked softly.

Alex nodded.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"I really don't," Alex sounded exhausted. She was so tired of talking about her feelings.

"Then we won't talk about it," Olivia said mildly. "Chicken tagliatelle okay for dinner?"

"Perfect," Alex said, though in truth her stomach was churning. If anything could settle her, it was Olivia's cooking.

Annie came back into the living room, a box in her hand. "C'mon then. I need my revenge. You won the last game, back in Chicago, remember?" she held out the Scrabble board.

Alex laughed. "Your ass is mine, A-J," she said. "Rack 'em up."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Olivia could tell that Annie was simply distracting Alex, but it seemed to be working. The last thing Alex needed was to be treated as a 'victim' by everyone, so Olivia almost cheered when Annie beat Alex with a seven-letter word at the last moment of the game.

Alex pretended to pout, but she knew she would have been mortified if Annie had let her win just because she had had a bad day. "Tomorrow," she threatened. "I'll get my own back."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"How were the guys?" Alex was trying to keep her eyes open. She didn't know how she would even summon up the energy to move from the couch to the bedroom. And she was loving lying in Olivia's lap, feeling Olivia's hand tangle gently in her hair.

"They're all fine. Send their love," Olivia said. She took a deep breath. She knew that Alex would argue, but she wasn't going to back down. "I spoke to Cragen. I'm taking a leave of absence. Six months. No, Lex. Please. Don't. I need to be with you, every bit as much as you need me here. I wouldn't be able to focus. Hey," she tried to smile, as she touched Alex's face. "Don't tell me you want me to lose focus when I'm holding a gun? I want to be here, Lex. When this one arrives," she touched her belly lightly, "I want to help you. I know none of that is going to be easy. The adoption. And the trial. And then," she resumed stroking her hair. "Then, we're gonna go on vacation together. We'll relax. And then we'll come home, and we'll plan our future. Whatever it holds. The only thing I know right now is that my future is with you."

"Okay," Alex said, in a small voice.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"She's still moving around a lot, huh?" Olivia placed her hand on Alex's stomach. She tried not to do that too much, as she knew how difficult the pregnancy was for Alex. But sometimes she just couldn't resist. And Alex seemed in a relaxed mood; they were just back from the doctor, and everything had been fine.

Alex nodded and smiled. "I'm glad," she said, after a beat. "I want her to be healthy. And happy."

Olivia kissed her softly. "You've been so unselfish," she said in a quiet voice.

Alex just shrugged. Right now, she felt that she was the most selfish woman in the world.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"I know you're taking time out," Casey sounded guilty, even down the telephone.

"It's okay, Case," Olivia said. "What can I do for you?"

"It's the McGregor trial. We really need you as a witness, Liv. I wouldn't ask, only Elliott didn't see what you saw. We should only need you for a morning, a day at most."

"I'll be there," Olivia said firmly. The case had been a particularly heinous one, and the perp just had to be put away. He had put four women through an experience that would haunt them forever. "The only thing that would keep me away is if Alex went into labour, and she's still got six weeks to go. Do you need to prep me?"

"Some time before Tuesday," Casey said, regret in her tone. She knew how much Alex and Olivia needed to be together right now. "Ideally before the weekend, so I have time to prepare everything. It won't take long, two hours tops."

"How about this afternoon?" Olivia suggested. "Is that too early? Alex and Annie are out, some book reading, I think."

Casey looked at her watch. "I can be at your place in an hour?" she suggested.

"Then stay for dinner," Olivia said, impulsively. She had a feeling that Casey and Annie would really get along.

"No, I don't want to impose," Casey pinched the bridge of her nose to ward off an impending headache. Right now, home-cooked food sounded perfect. She had survived all day on caffeine and one energy bar.

"You won't be imposing," Olivia insisted. "You like lasagne, right?"

"I love lasagne," Casey smiled.

"I'll see you in an hour. Bring your appetite," Olivia instructed, and hung up before Casey had a chance to argue. She went in to the kitchen to prep the food, so that it would be ready to put in the oven once they had finished talking about the trial.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"That man was an idiot!" Annie sounded indignant as she and Alex let themselves back into the apartment.

Alex laughed, shrugging off her coat. She winced and rubbed her back. She agreed wholeheartedly with her friend. They had been to a literary afternoon, which had been delightful until the last speaker who had so infuriated Annie.

"The guy didn't even have a basic grasp of grammar!" Annie continued to rant, even as she took Alex's coat from her. "I know the internet has had an adverse effect on literacy, but he claims to be a writer, for chrissakes! If he's a writer, then I'm a world-famous biologist!"

Alex grinned. She loved it when Annie went into one of her rants. She had forgotten how entertaining Annie could be, and it was fun trying to spot the twinkle that was always in her eye when she really got into it. "Okay, Darwin," she teased. "You want some tea?"

Annie grinned back. Today, she had seen evidence that Alex's spark was returning, and she had enjoyed watching her debating eloquently and wittily with some of the speakers. She was glad that she had been able to take Alex away from her worries, if only for a couple of hours. And she knew that she was tired now, but she still thought it had been worth it. "You sit, I'll get it." She poked her head into the living room, and saw Olivia rising to greet Alex. "Hey Liv, you want tea?"

"That'd be great," Olivia said, as she reached for Alex and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Make some for Casey too, would you? She's just in the bathroom." As she spoke, the door to the bathroom opened, and Casey stepped out.

Annie just stared at Casey. She hadn't thought she would meet the shy redhead again after their encounter in the lobby a few days before. She smiled, enjoying the look of shock on Casey's face. It was clear that Casey hadn't forgotten their brief meeting either. "Hey, Red," Annie said.

Casey blinked. She had heard Olivia talk about Alex's friend Annie, but she had had no idea that Annie was the woman who had filled her dreams – and fantasies – since meeting her three days before. "Hi," she tried to keep the croak out of her voice.

"Casey's staying for dinner," Olivia announced, enjoying the scene unfolding in front of her. She glanced at Alex, and saw a small smile on her lips too. "You'll stay too, won't you Annie?"

"Just try and stop me," Annie winked flirtatiously at Casey, who went beet red and tried to hide her embarrassment by moving to the table to gather her papers.

"We were just doing trial prep," Olivia said. "They need me next Tuesday."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

During dinner, Casey was delighted to discover that Annie was not only unbelievably hot, but she was also a great raconteur. After giving a very brief explanation of meeting Alex when she was still called Alison, in WitSec, Annie regaled everyone with greatly exaggerated tales of her students and of her own allegedly misspent youth. She softened when she spoke of her friendship with Alex, and it was clear by her body language and kind smiles that she was a warm and supportive presence in Alex's life.

Annie, in her turn, was captivated by Casey. As the redhead relaxed after a glass of wine, she showed herself to be amusing and sparky, and she was clearly highly intelligent. Alex had spoken highly of her 'replacement', so Annie also knew that she was an extremely skilled prosecutor. She had to force herself not to stare too much; she wasn't sure she had ever seen anyone as entrancing as Casey. Her delicate bone structure, her porcelain skin and her beaming smile were irresistible.

Casey was also a match for Annie in terms of verbal wit, and she called her out on her BS on more than one occasion, causing Annie to laugh uproariously.

Annie knew she could spend many hours in Casey's company, but just before 9pm, she glanced over to see Alex stifling a yawn. The blonde was clearly exhausted. Reluctantly, she got to her feet. "I'm gonna go," she said.

"No, stay and have coffee," Alex tried to protest.

"And watch while you fall asleep in your plate?" Annie teased. She leant down and kissed Alex on the cheek. "You need your sleep, blondie," she teased.

"I should go too," Casey said. "I've still got work to do. But that was delicious, Liv," she smiled at her favorite detective. "Thank you."

"You wanna share a cab, Red?" Annie hoped to prolong her contact with the beautiful woman.

"I'll walk," Casey said. "I'm only a few blocks away. It's a warm night." She saw the look of disappointment on Annie's face, and her heart sped up. It had been too long since she had been interested in anybody, and the thought of a romantic interlude appealed strongly. And she couldn't remember ever finding anyone as attractive as Annie Bartlett. "You could walk with me, if you're going in the same direction?"

Annie's face split into a wide grin, her deep blue eyes sparkling with pleasure. "Sounds good to me," she reached out for Casey's coat and held it out to her.

"You don't know which direction I'm going," Casey smiled.

"And I don't care," Annie smiled as she shrugged into her own leather jacket.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Olivia and Alex hugged both their guests. As she shut the door on them, Olivia turned to Alex and smiled. "So, what do you think?" she asked.

Alex smiled back. She stepped into Olivia's arms and kissed her very softly on the lips. "I think that _you_, Detective Benson, are a very devious woman."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Casey walked alongside the tall professor. Annie had automatically moved so that she was on the outside of the pavement, chivalrously protecting Casey from the busy traffic.

"So," Casey mused, forcing herself to remain cool when Annie calmly reached and took her hand gently in her own, lacing their fingers together as if this was something they had been doing for years. "You don't _look_ like an English professor."

Annie laughed. "Is it the leather or the tattoos you disapprove of?" she teased.

"Tattoos?" Casey hadn't noticed.

"Full sleeve," Annie said. For the first time she was worried. Maybe Casey hated tattoos? Some women found them a huge turn-off.

"Show me!" Casey demanded, stopping in her tracks.

Annie laughed again. "Are you sure you are ready for this, Red?" her voice was low and sultry. Casey didn't think she had ever heard anything so sexy.

"Try me," Casey's own voice cracked with barely suppressed desire.

"Hold this," Annie shrugged off her leather jacket.

Casey took the garment, only just resisting the temptation to bring the soft leather to her nose, to inhale Annie's scent that she knew would drive her crazy. She stared as Annie unbuttoned her outer shirt, excitement building even though she could already see that she wore a t-shirt underneath.

Annie slipped her arm left arm out of the shirt, revealing a full sleeve of intricate, beautiful tattoos. Casey was bewitched. She didn't usually go for tattoos, but these were so beautifully designed; somehow they enhanced Annie's femininity and her strength – they made her both more butch and more vulnerable.

"Wow," Casey whispered, unwittingly reaching out to touch. Annie's skin was so soft and warm.

"You like what you see?" Annie's voice shook slightly.

Casey was staring; not just at the tattoos, but at Annie's muscular form in her white, sleeveless tee. "Oh God yes," she croaked, forcing herself to drag her eyes away from Annie's sumptuous breasts.

Annie grinned. She shrugged her shirt back on, and took her jacket back from Casey. She slipped her hand back in Casey's and they resumed walking. "So you got any inking Red?"

"Not yet," Casey was proud that her voice sounded even. "It's not something I've really considered before. Those are beautiful," she said softly. "Who designed them?"

"I did," for the first time Annie sounded a little shy. "I've always wanted ink. But it had to be … right, you know?"

"You got any others?" Casey teased.

"One more," Annie gave a small smile, her blue eyes sparkling.

"Will I get to see it?"

"One day, I hope."

"Do I even get to know where it is?" Casey pushed.

Annie turned to face her. She took Casey's hand, and guided down the side of her own torso, just missing the side of her breast. "It's just here," she said, her nipples tightening at the proximity of Casey's fingers. It had been a long time since a woman had affected her so much.

Casey let her fingers linger on the soft leather for as long as she dared. "And I'm just here," she said reluctantly, when she couldn't prolong the moment any longer. She nodded with her chin toward the building. She made a decision. "You wanna come in for coffee?"

"More than almost anything," Annie said.

Casey looked up at her, and saw anxiety in her eyes.

She tried to pull Annie toward the door, but Annie remained where she was.

"I want to come in," Annie said, in a soft voice. "I really do. But," she touched Casey's cheek lightly. "I want you too much. I know that if I come in, I won't be able to stop myself touching you."

"What if I want you to touch me?" Casey's voice shook.

"You deserve better than a one-night stand," Annie was conflicted. She wanted Casey so badly, but she didn't want to hurt her. And she knew, instinctively, that Casey could never be just a fling for her. She didn't do relationships, and even if she did, they lived in different cities. But she couldn't stop staring into her captivating green eyes.

Casey leant forward, and kissed her very softly on the lips. She had never felt such soft lips. Slowly, the kiss deepened. Greatly daring, Casey flicked out her tongue, gratified when Annie's mouth opened and their tongues touched, dancing erotically against each other.

Casey had never been so turned on. Annie was so strong, yet so soft and unbelievably gentle. When they finally pulled apart, both were gasping. Annie rested her forehead against Casey's; Casey could sense an inner conflict in her. "I can't," Annie whispered after a few moments.

"That's okay," Casey said softly. "Give me your phone," she said, on impulse.

Surprised, Annie reached into her jacket and passed it to Casey. Casey pressed a few buttons, until a ringtone ran in her own pocket. She returned the phone to Annie. "There," she smiled. "Now we have each other's numbers. Will you call me?" She looked into Annie's open, honest face. "Please?"

Annie nodded. She kissed Casey again, more chastely this time but no less tenderly. "I swear," she whispered, and turned on her heel and walked back in the direction they had come from.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Casey let herself into her apartment, her heart thudding. She leant back against the door and exhaled. She shook her head, and walked toward the kitchen. After pouring a glass of wine and taking a large sip, she smiled to herself. She sat at the kitchen counter and opened her briefcase. She still had work to do, and had no idea how she was going to be able to concentrate. She took out her papers and uncapped her pen, when she heard her phone ring. Her heart leapt when she realized that it was Annie calling.

"Playing it cool, professor?" she teased.

"Hey, I gave it ten minutes," Annie shot back. "Any longer than that would have been rude, right?"

Casey laughed.

"You like sushi?" Annie asked.

"I hate it," Casey told her.

"Thank Christ for that," Annie laughed. "So do I. You've just passed my second-most important test."

"So what's your _most_ important test then?"

"Oh you passed that Red, the first time I saw you. Hot. As. Hell," Annie's voice was husky.

"Was there something I can help you with?" Casey's tone was flirtatious.

"Depends."

"On what?"

"On whether you are free tomorrow night."

Casey felt a pang of disappointment. "I coach Little League on a Thursday evening," she said.

"What time does it finish?" Annie pushed. She had so little time before she went back to Chicago, she didn't want to waste a minute.

"9pm," Casey said glumly. "And then I have to clear up the hall, deal with the parents, all that. It's sometimes 9.45pm before I get out."

"Give me the address," Annie said. "I'll meet you there at 9pm. I'll help you clear out. And then we can get a late dinner. Or something," she added.

When Casey hung up the phone, she wondered if she had done the right thing. Annie Bartlett was wild, untamed. And hot as fuck.

Annie smiled as she shrugged out of her jacket. She wandered into the hotel bathroom, and switched on the shower. She shed her clothes and stepped under the powerful spray. As her hand wandered to her center, she knew it would only take a few strokes before she came. She braced one hand against the cool tiles and closed her eyes; she imagined the exquisite Casey standing before her, naked. In less than a minute, a powerful orgasm rocketed through her. If that was what imagination could do, she couldn't wait to see what effect the real thing would have on her.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"So?" Olivia laughed when she called Casey the next morning.

Casey didn't even try to dissemble. "She's amazing," she said. "I mean, she's … amazing," she laughed, knowing what a sap she must sound.

"And … did you … ?"

"No. Not yet. Well," Casey laughed. "_I_ did. On my own. After she left. I'm seeing her tonight; we're gonna go for a meal."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"That doesn't sound like Annie," Alex said to Olivia. "She doesn't usually wait." She smiled at Olivia. "I think … maybe it's different this time. For her. She's always said she doesn't do relationships. Maybe she's changed?"

Olivia smiled. She knew that if Annie fell for Casey, she would visit New York more often. And that could only be a good thing for Alex, who clearly adored her. "Maybe she has," she mused.


	8. Chapter 8

Olivia sat at the kitchen table as she opened her mail, while Alex enjoyed a relaxing bath. Alex's pregnancy meant that her back ached all the time, so Olivia encouraged her to take as many baths as possible. Olivia opened the monthly statement from her bank, and stared.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

When she went into the bathroom, Alex was lying back in the bath, her eyes closed. It wasn't often that she looked so relaxed, so Olivia decided not to disturb her. As she turned to leave, Alex called out. "Liv?"

"Were you expecting somebody else?" Olivia tried to sound light-hearted.

Alex opened her eyes and looked at Olivia, immediately taking in the paper in her hand. She closed her eyes momentarily. She had known this moment was coming. "Maybe you should sit," Alex said, tiredly, nodding to the closed toilet seat.

Olivia did as instructed. She was determined not to upset Alex.

Alex reached out a soapy hand, which Olivia immediately grasped.

"I think I know what you're gonna say," Alex said softly.

Olivia nodded. "Yeah," she exhaled. She looked down at the statement, which showed that Alex had paid her exact salary into her account. "Lex, I have savings. I don't need your money."

"I know," Alex said, trying to force her voice to remain steady. "And I don't want to … insult you. Not in any way."

Olivia opened her mouth to speak.

"No," Alex said, forestalling her. "Just look at it from my point of view, Liv. You're taking a six-month hiatus from work. _Unpaid_. To take care of me."

"It's not just for you, Alexandra," Olivia protested. "It's as much for me. I couldn't bear for you to be on your own right now. I'm not here out of duty. I'm here because I just … _couldn't_ … be anywhere else. Not without losing my mind. I thought I'd lost you, Lex," she blinked away tears. "When you came back, and you didn't come back to me. It was the worst thing ever," she let out a sob. "I know now you were doing it for me. But you were wrong, Lex. Not being with you hurt me so much more."

"I didn't want to put you through it," unconsciously Alex stroked her belly. "When I give up this child for adoption. All that stuff with your mom. I don't know much, right now, Olivia. But I _do_ know that it is not this child's fault that I was raped. And it's not your fault that your mom was raped. But I was so scared that … you would think that … you're _not_ unworthy, Liv. You have the most beautiful soul of anyone I have ever met. I didn't want you to think that I was rejecting you. I'm just scared. I'm scared that this baby will hate me. I'm not going to be able to forget what happened to me, and if this child even _once_ sees that in my eyes, I will be doing it irreparable damage. And I just can't. I can't be responsible for taking away its childhood. Like you lost your childhood." She was crying openly now, tears rolling down her face.

"I love you, Olivia," Alex choked out. "I never knew how much I could love anyone until I met you."

"I love you too, Alexandra," Olivia whispered. She knelt by the tub, and cupped Alex's face gently in her hands. "But I don't need your money, baby."

Alex rested her forehead against Olivia's, and tried to catch her breath. "I know you don't need it," she said eventually. "But it makes me feel just a tiny bit better about keeping you here."

"You're not _keeping_ me here," Olivia interjected.

"Liv. Please. You won't let me put you on my bank account. Though God knows, all I have is yours. I have a lot of money, you know that. Even more since Mom died. I have a lot of charity stuff going on, but even so. It wouldn't matter if we never worked again. So," she took a shaky breath. "I want to do this. For me. So I can kid myself you aren't giving up everything for me. Will you let me do it?"

For the first time, Olivia thought about what Alex had done from Alex's point of view, and she started to understand. Alex came from a very wealthy background, and as an only child, she had inherited everything from her parents. She supported so many charities that Olivia wondered how she had time to administer it all as well as work a full-time job. But, even so, she still had great personal wealth.

"I never understand how you are so unspoilt," Olivia said softly. "All that money, and you still choose to stay with me in a crappy two-bed apartment."

"It's the only place I've ever really felt at home," Alex admitted. "I feel safe here. And loved."

"Okay," Olivia whispered. "If you wanna give me the money, I'll take it. But only until I go back to work, okay?"

"Deal," Alex felt a huge wave of relief. She was exhausted. She had generally been doing so much better, but she had had a restless night, and the money conversation had unnerved her.

Olivia leant forward and kissed her very tenderly.

"Bathe with me?" Alex asked, unexpectedly.

"Are you sure?" Olivia knew that Alex was still not ready for any sexual attention, and had been careful with her levels of nudity, not wanting to make Alex nervous.

Alex nodded. "Please?" she said, in a small voice.

Olivia shed her clothes, and climbed in behind Alex, sliding one leg either side of her. Alex reached out behind her for Olivia's hands and drew them around her large belly. She leant back into Olivia, pleased to find that she didn't feel any nervous. She felt safe, and loved.

Olivia held Alex gently, and kissed her neck chastely. "Love you, baby," she whispered, pleased as Alex drifted to sleep. She held her for over an hour, running in hot water from time to time. Eventually, she looked at her watch and remembered that Annie was coming to visit that afternoon. She coaxed Alex out of the tub, and guided her to the bed where she helped her into a loose singlet and a pair of her own boxers. She dressed similarly and slid into the bed next to Alex. "Sleep a little more, my darling," she whispered, pleased as Alex slid into her and, half-asleep, reached out for Olivia's full breast through her singlet. She held her close as her eyes closed again.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Casey looked up and grinned widely as Annie slipped quietly into the sports hall at 8.15pm that night, and made her way over to an empty seat on the benches. She hadn't expected her until 9pm, so was thrilled by her early arrival.

Annie gave a smile and a wave as she settled herself down to watch Casey interacting with the children, who all seemed between about eight to twelve years old. There were two other adults in the room, a man and a woman, both in their late twenties, she guessed. Casey was clearly the one in charge, though, and Annie enjoyed watching her as she moved easily among the children, offering advice and help, laughing often and giving and receiving hugs as she went. Annie was charmed by the redhead's ease and confidence among the kids. It didn't hurt that she was as hot as hell in her baseball clothes.

Casey tried – and failed – not to keep looking over at Annie. She grinned sheepishly when she caught her eye on more than one occasion. Annie looked gorgeous, dressed in jeans and a smart white shirt under her ever-present leather jacket. When she shrugged off the jacket after a while, Casey could see the muscles in her arms, and her breath caught. She couldn't wait to get a closer look at the intricate tattoos on her arm, too. Fuck, she was hot.

Finally, after what seemed like weeks, it was 9pm, and chaos reigned as the children were picked up by their parents and carers, and the clearing-up began. Annie smiled as Casey introduced her to the other adults, surprised when she heard their names.

"Father Mike, Sister Kath, meet my friend Annie," Casey said with a smile, enjoying the look of surprise on Annie's face.

Annie grinned and shook their hands. "If the nuns had looked like you when I was a kid, I'd have enjoyed Catholic school more," she winked at Sister Kath.

Kath laughed. "That's what Casey said to me when we first met. You two are a good match," she smiled.

Annie's eyes opened wider.

Casey grinned. "It's okay, Annie. Kath and Mike know all about me. And they aren't going to have me excommunicated."

"First date?" Kath asked Annie.

Annie nodded.

"Well then, why don't you help me and Mike put all this stuff away, while Casey takes a shower. Then you can get away quicker."

Fifteen minutes later, Casey returned from the showers, dressed in jeans and a green shirt that complemented her eyes. Annie tried not to stare, but there was something so beautiful about her. Her hair was still a little damp, and she wore no make-up, but that only made her more stunning.

"Ready to go, hot stuff?" Annie tried to keep her voice steady.

"Sure, stud," Casey teased, as she waved goodbye to Mike and Kath. She slipped her hand into Annie's as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and they headed out onto the sidewalk. "You got some place in mind?"

Annie shook her head. "I'm the tourist here," she smiled. "What are you in the mood for?"

"There's a great little Italian a few blocks from here. It's very gay-friendly too, so there's never any awkwardness."

"Lead on," Annie tightened her grip on Casey's fingers, reveling in the soft, warm skin. She sneaked a look at Casey's face. "You look beautiful," she said softly.

"Looking red hot yourself," Casey said, and then flushed. "Sorry. That was crass. I just mean … you are very … dashing. I've always been a sucker for leather," she ran a finger down Annie's arm.

Within a few minutes, they were seated at a corner booth. Instead of sitting opposite each other, they both sat on the corner, making them closer together.

Annie was suddenly nervous. She hadn't felt this nervous for years. Usually, she had no problem attracting a woman. But this woman, this stunning redhead, she was something else. As well as being beautiful, and highly intelligent, she had … a spark. Something that made Annie desperate to get to know her properly. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she wanted to get to know her even more than she wanted to bed her.

After they had ordered, Annie touched Casey's cheek. "I don't know what it is about you, Red," she said softly. "But there's something special."

Casey nodded. "I feel the same way about you," she said. She touched Annie's wrist, stroking the small bit of tattoo that was visible. "May I?" she asked.

Annie nodded, watching fascinated as Casey undid the cuff on her shirt, and slowly rolled it up as far as it would go. Casey was staring at the intricate design. "I can't get over how hot this is," she said, huskily.

Annie swallowed. She could see the desire in Casey's eyes, and there was something so intoxicating about being wanted – and wanted by this incredible woman. Her voice was the sexiest thing she had ever heard too.

At that moment, their plates arrived, and Annie had to bite back a laugh, as the intensity of the moment dissipated. Casey wasn't looking though, her attention was on the table behind them, and she was smiling. Annie shifted to look at what had pleased Casey, and she saw a pair of young lesbians – they couldn't have been as old as 25. The dark-haired one of the pair was on one knee, and held out what a ring. Within seconds, they were kissing passionately.

The restaurant erupted in applause, and Casey surreptitiously wiped a tear. She didn't want Annie to know what a sap she was.

Annie called the waitress over. She nodded to the newly engaged pair. "Can you get them a bottle of your best champagne, and add it to my check?" she asked.

Casey reached over and touched Annie's hand.

Annie shrugged, embarrassed to be caught in the generous gesture. "Young love," she said, trying to sound dismissive.

"You think they'll be together ten years from now?" Casey asked, sounding unexpectedly cynical.

Annie looked at them again, looking at the expressions on their faces. "Yeah," she said quietly. "I reckon they will."

Casey leant towards her and kissed her softly, slowly, savoring the taste of her, the softness of her lips. "So you're a romantic," her voice held a hint of awe.

"Eat your lasagne, Red," Annie pulled herself together.

They finished their meal, which was delicious but which could have been sawdust, for all the attention that Annie paid to it. She had begun to worry that the whole thing had been a mistake. She couldn't hurt Casey. She was too sweet, too special. She would make her understand, and leave before it was too late.

Annie reached out and placed a tentative hand over Casey's.

Casey looked up, surprised by the serious expression on her face.

"I like you, Casey. A lot," Annie admitted. "But I'm not sure this is fair. On you. I'm terrible at relationships. And I live in Chicago, for Christ's sake."

"You don't want this?" Casey was unable to hide the devastation on her face.

"No. It's not that," Annie squeezed her fingers. "I _do_ want this. I want you. I don't think I've ever wanted anyone more. But you deserve more than a … than a quick fuck," the sudden vulgarity sounded harsh.

"Why don't you let me decide that?" Casey sounded defiant.

"Because I want more, too," for the first time, Annie sounded vulnerable. She looked into Casey's green eyes, and saw nothing but compassion and kindness. "But we're so far apart. Geographically. And … I don't want to fuck this up. I don't want you to get hurt. I would never forgive myself."

"Then make love to me," Casey said softly. "Hey," she put one finger under Annie's chin and lifted her face, forcing her to look at her. "We don't know what's going to happen. We can't know that. Neither of us. But one thing I do know. You are the most intriguing woman I have ever met. You're so strong, and so goddamned sexy. I cannot wait to see what's under all this," she touched Annie's arm, and tugged at her white shirt.

Annie just blinked.

"I'm not asking you to make any commitment to me. The only thing I ask is that you don't lie to me."

"I won't lie," Annie said, her breathing quickening as Casey's hand moved down the front of her shirt, and cupped one of her large breasts softly. She felt her thumb flick across the nipple; even through her shirt and singlet, she was instantly aroused.

"I thought so," Casey's voice was hoarse, as her finger circled the piercing she found. "I knew you'd have some piercings. Both?" she squeezed lightly, delighted at Annie's sudden intake of breath. "Or one?"

"Just the left," Annie tried to control her breathing. "And navel."

"Of course," Casey grinned. She kissed Annie again, more demandingly this time, her hand never leaving her breast.

After a minute, Annie reluctantly pulled back. "We're giving a show," she gasped, though in truth the lighting was low, and nobody was paying any attention to them.

"Please tell me your hotel is near here," Casey watched Annie as she called for the check. She fumbled in her jacket for her wallet. "My apartment is right across town."

"Not this time, Red," Annie had regained some of her self-control, as she pulled Casey's hand away from her pocket. "Dinner is on me. And," she couldn't work out of this was the dumbest or the smartest thing she had ever done, "my hotel is just around the corner. I'm staying at The Wilde."

"I'm impressed," Casey knew of the hotel, though it was out of her price range.

"Don't be," Annie's face shut down marginally. There was a story there, Casey knew. But Annie clearly didn't want to talk about it.

"Egyptian cotton sheets?" Casey teased, moving away from what was clearly bothering Annie.

"1,200 thread count," Annie was grateful for the diversion, as she signed the check and left a hefty tip.

"That should do it," Casey was on her feet.

As they left the restaurant, Casey grabbed Annie's hand and started to stride toward the nearby hotel.

Annie pulled her back gently. She took both of her hands, and looked carefully into her eyes. "Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked.

Casey didn't say anything, but merely pulled the brunette into a deep, passionate kiss. They made out for a few minutes, until they broke apart, gasping. "Do you have any idea just how wet I am right now?" Casey's voice cracked, with undisguised lust.

Annie swallowed. "'kay," she whispered.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

By the time they entered the luxury hotel, Annie had regained her confidence. Casey really wanted her, and she had been as open and up-front as she knew how to be. And she couldn't remember ever being so aroused.

Annie could see that Casey wasn't wearing a bra. Her breasts were small and high and firm, and her nipples had hardened tantalisingly. They stumbled into the elevators; as soon as the doors slid shut, Annie unbuttoned the first button on Casey's blouse. Casey grinned. "Well, don't stop there, stud."

Annie expertly flicked open the next two buttons, and her hand closed around a pert breast. "Oh fuck," Annie felt her center flood. "Jesus, Casey," the feel of the tight nipple was almost more than she could bear. She had to see. She pulled the shirt to one side, and moaned involuntarily at the sight before her. The elevator slowed to a halt. At the sound of the ping, Casey laughed and closed her shirt with one hand as Annie fumbled for the key.

Normally, Casey would have been overwhelmed by the large, opulent hotel suite. But she couldn't take her eyes off Annie and, it was clear, the feeling was mutual. Within seconds, Annie had dragged Casey's shirt over her head, and crushed both breasts gently in her strong hands. Her touch was masterful, but so soft, so tender. When Annie took one nipple in her hot mouth, Casey couldn't stop herself crying out.

Annie tongued one breast and then the next, stopping to kiss Casey deeply on the mouth, before returning to her soft, perfect breasts.

Casey reached out and pressed a hand against Annie's jean-clad center, surprised as Annie pulled back sharply. "No," Annie bit out. "Not yet. Oh God, Casey. No. I'm so close. Just … not yet." She gave a ragged laugh. "I don't want to come in my jeans," she felt like a horny teenager.

Casey smiled; she could see by the deep, violet blue of Annie's eyes that she wasn't kidding. Annie's lust was intoxicating. "I don't think I'm going to take long, either," she felt Annie's hand slide down the front of her jeans, grinning at Annie's look of delight when she felt her sodden folds. "See?" she teased.

Annie lifted her up in one quick movement, and carried her to the bedroom. She laid her down carefully on the bed.

"I want to see _you_," Casey pleaded, reaching out for Annie's shirt, untucking it from her jeans.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Alex awoke with a start, and realized the bed was empty. Awkwardly, she got to her feet. Olivia was not in the bathroom. She took the opportunity to pee while she was there, acknowledging ruefully that she would be back there within the hour anyway, the way the baby was dancing on her bladder.

She shrugged on Olivia's robe, her own having become too small, and padded into the living room. Olivia sat at the edge of the couch, her face contorted with tears. She didn't even notice Alex coming toward her.

Alex saw the letter clutched in Olivia's hand, and her heart plummeted. This was one of the letters that she had written to her from WitSec, breaking all the rules to do so.

"Liv?" she called softly.

Olivia looked up sharply, a look of guilt on her face, and tried to wipe away the tears. "I'm sorry, Lex," she said, clearing her throat. "I ..."

Alex sat next to her on the couch. "Don't apologize," she said, softly. "I keep forgetting. This is probably harder on you. I would so much rather it happened to me than to you. I don't think I could bear it if …," she swallowed.

Olivia looked at her, and her self-control vanished. She started to weep uncontrollably, and every time she tried to stop, it only got worse. "It's okay to cry," Alex said softly, as she held her in her arms, as much as she could with her large belly. "It's okay, Liv. You don't have to be strong for me. You've been so strong. You've taken care of us all. Now you need to give yourself a little time. That's it," she soothed, holding her close. "I'm here for you."

"I'm okay," Olivia struggled to speak.

"No, baby. You're not okay. But that's alright. You will be. We all will be. Let it out, Liv."

Alex held her as she gave herself up to her misery. Slowly, Olivia started to calm. Alex rocked her lovingly, until, eventually, she fell to sleep, the letter still clutched tight in her hand.

Alex eased the letter out from between her fingers, reaching across her to grab a pair of glasses from the side table, grateful that she had glasses littered all around the apartment. She realized that it was the last one that she had sent Olivia from WitSec. She started to read.

_My darling girl._

_It's been almost three years, and your absence still hurts me every single day. I think of you all the time, and I long to hold you, to be with you. I want you in my arms, in my bed. Inside me. I want to feel you, on my skin, your breath of my neck. Sometimes I'm frightened that I'll forget what you look like – what you sound like. What you taste like. And then I'll dream of you, and that dream will be so real, that I'll wake up, and for a moment, it'll be like you were with me. But you're not there, and it's not the same._

_But the news is good, my darling. I hear that our situation will soon be resolved. Within a couple of months, they tell me. Six at the very outset. And then you'll be with me again. I'll never have to imagine your face, your voice. Your touch. We'll never have to be apart again._

_I'm so sorry that we're apart. I know it's my fault. If I hadn't been so pig-headed, so goddamned stubborn, we'd never have had to be apart. Nothing will drive us apart again. Nothing._

_I always knew I loved you. But I love you more each day, sweetheart. And I'll be coming home to you. Soon._

_I love you. I miss you. I want you. And I can't wait to be with you._

_A._

_xxx_

By the time she had finished reading, Alex was crying too. She remembered mailing that letter, in the mail box right by the hospital. It had all seemed so simple then. Less than two hours later, she was being raped.

Olivia moaned in her sleep, her face creasing in pain. "C'mon," Alex eased her to her feet. "We'll get you to bed. Get you something for that headache," she saw Olivia squinting in the low light, and her heart fell. Olivia didn't often get migraines, but when she did, they were usually awful. She helped her to bed, and held a glass of water to her lips as she swallowed the tablets. She would find the painkilling suppositories, just in case. If Olivia started vomiting, as she usually did when her migraines overwhelmed her, tablets would be no help at all. She grimaced as she found all the supplies, and set a basin on the night stand.

Olivia moaned.

"No, baby, try and sleep," Alex's voice was calming. "It'll be okay in the morning. I love you, sweetheart," she pressed a light kiss to her sweaty brow. "It'll be okay."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"It's 3am," Annie said, as she held a sweaty, exhilarated Casey in her arms. "You need to sleep," Casey was idly tracing the arrow-shaped bar in Annie's nipple with her finger.

"I can't stop looking," Casey's tongue flicked out, and for the hundredth time that night, she took the nipple into her mouth.

Annie's back arched involuntarily. She had had the nipple bar for over five years, but she had never felt pleasure like this with any of her previous lovers. "No," she choked out. "You've got to sleep. You have work. It's Friday tomorrow." She looked at her watch. "Today. _Jesus_ Casey," Casey bit down sharply, as she pressed Annie's legs apart.

"Just one more," Casey begged, sliding two fingers expertly into her lover. She was so tight, so beautiful. She felt a welcome gush of fluid. "See," she teased, as she moved down her body. "You're almost there."

"But you need to sleep," Annie's resolve faltered as arousal shot through her. "And you have to go home in the morning, get some work clothes."

"Got a spare suit in the office," Casey moved back up her lover, and grinned. "Together," she declared, settling herself on Annie's abdomen, dragging her sodden centre over Annie's tight muscles. She slid one hand back into her. With the other hand, she guided Annie's fingers to her own centre, and started to rock, grinning as Annie responded involuntarily. She gazed adoringly at Annie's large breasts, and leant down to run her tongue along the tattoo that ran down the side of Annie's torso, barely touching the side of her bejeweled breast. 'Trust to time,' the tattoo said, in what Casey would later learn was a facsimile of Annie's own handwriting. A small outline of a heart was inked next to the words.

"It's my motto," Annie had told her, but had declined to elaborate. Casey knew she would get the full story out of her.

As she rode Annie's strong fingers, Casey realized that she had never felt so happy, so complete. Moments later, they came together, and she collapsed into Annie's arms.

Annie gathered her to her and held her close. Casey had never felt so safe. It was impossible to tell where this journey would take them. Right now, she was happy to settle for what she had.

She looked into Annie's eyes, and was moved to see the moisture in them. Annie reached out a shaky hand, and tucked a strand of sweat-soaked hair behind Casey's ear. "You're somethin' else, Red, you know that?" her voice shook. "I could fall for a girl like you."


	9. Chapter 9

**[SO sorry for the delay, yet again.]**

Alex had tried her best not to resent what the pregnancy was doing to her body. She knew that, of all people, this innocent baby girl was not to blame for the horror that had happened to her. But tonight her large baby bump made it hard for her to cradle Olivia as she wanted to, and she wanted to, more than anything.

Poor, sweet Olivia had the migraine from hell, and Alex wanted to take care of her, to help her to feel better. She did what she could, encumbered by her bulk and sore herself – her back hurt, her feet were swollen, and from time to time the baby kicked, sending so many conflicting emotions through her that she found hard to handle.

Olivia moaned, and blinked, closing her eyes immediately against the dim light. Even that hurt. She couldn't remember ever feeling this bad. She felt cold wash down her spine, and sweat broke out on her upper lip. Before she realized what was happening, Alex's hands raised her gently and supported her head as she heaved into the towel that Alex had grabbed. Her stomach had been empty for hours, but she couldn't stop. The retching sent shards of pain rocketing through her head. She just wanted it to be over. She needed it to be over.

Olivia felt soft hands lower her back onto her back, and a icy, wet washcloth was placed against her forehead. Alex shouldn't be doing this for her. In just under a month, Alex was going to give birth to her rapist's baby. She had enough to deal with. "Lex," Olivia could tell that her voice was weak.

"Shh," Alex said, smoothing her hand down her cheek.

A moment later, Olivia felt a warm washcloth wiping her face. Her breathing became less panicked as she relaxed into Alex's touch. She was safe. She was barely aware when Alex rolled her carefully onto her side, and efficiently inserted a second dose of suppositories. By the time Alex had eased her onto her back she was, mercifully, asleep.

Alex just wanted to cry. She hated that Olivia was suffering so much, and all because of her. She had only seen Olivia this bad once, and that was during a horrific abuse case and she had found the mutilated body of a three-year-old girl, the same girl that she had gotten close to, and been forced to return to an awful family situation because they couldn't find the evidence they needed to put her into the care of the system. Olivia took everything so much to heart; she gave all that she had to those that needed her. That was why she was so good at her job. It was why she was the best girlfriend Alex could imagine. And it was why she was sick now.

Alex tried to stifle a yawn. She looked at her watch. 4.34am. She hoped that Olivia would now get some good quality sleep. In her sleep, Olivia reached out for Alex. Alex took the washcloth from her brow and dipped it into the iced water again, wringing it out before replacing it. Olivia sighed. Alex slid into the bed next to her, smiling slightly as Olivia reached for her. She snuggled up close.

In her sleep, Olivia instinctively pushed a hand under Alex's pajama top and cupped a breast gently. Alex started; since her attack, Olivia had been very careful not to touch her unexpectedly. But she was sick now, and not in control. Alex waited for the panic to come, and then smiled when it didn't. She had imagined that anyone's fingers on her breast would frighten her, would bring back horrific memories of her rapist. He had focused on her breasts for a long time, his hands and his mouth on them. She even had a small scar on her left breast where he had bitten her.

But this was Olivia's touch. It wasn't even sexual. Olivia was claiming her; gently, but surely. Lovingly. And Olivia was being comforted by the feel of her. Very softly, not wanting to disturb Olivia, Alex placed her hand gently over Olivia's, reveling in being able to hold her to her. She knew – and she knew Olivia knew – that it would be a long time before their sexual relationship was back to where it had once been. But she also knew that she wanted nothing more than to be held by Olivia. They would be okay. One day, they would get it all back. Until that point, she could only pray that she would be enough for Olivia.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

**6.30am**

Annie turned over in bed and stretched. There was an empty space next to her. She sat up, disconcerted, and then realized she could hear the shower running. She smiled.

Casey felt warm hands reach around her from behind, and she leant back into the strong body. She felt Annie's hand grasp her left breast and whimpered involuntarily. Annie's lips kissed her neck.

"Good morning, beautiful," Annie murmured, unable to resist moving her other hand to cup Casey's center from behind.

Casey jerked at the unexpected, but oh so welcome, contact. "Who _is_ this?" Casey's tone was teasing.

"I'm hurt," Annie turned her in her arms, so that they were facing. She didn't think she had ever seen a more beautiful sight; water cascaded invitingly down the hottest body she had ever encountered. But the best thing of all was Casey's smile – mischievous, cocky, lustful. "I had hoped I would be a little more memorable." She saw Casey's eyes glaze over as she took in her body.

"Oh God yes," Casey's already-low voice was deep with desire. She dropped a soft kiss on Annie's nipple, desire pulsing through her when she realized just how hard it was. She lifted a heavy breast in one hand, her tongue darting out and teasing the jeweled bud. "Memorable," her voice faded. "Oh yes, professor. You're definitely memorable." Casey was barely aware as Annie pressed her against the cold tile wall. She just knew that she wanted her hands on her. In her. She wanted all of her.

"How long?" Annie's voice hitched.

"Huh?"

Annie laughed. "Are you that articulate in court?" she squeezed a pink nipple, trying not to laugh as she watched Casey forcing herself to try and concentrate on the question. "How long do we have? What time do you have to be at work?"

"Need to leave in 40 minutes. _Fuck_," Casey exclaimed, as Annie bit down gently. "Christ, Annie. No. Don't stop. Fuck. Oh God yes. You are amazing," she gasped, as an erotic mix of pleasure and pain coursed through her. There was no doubting that Annie knew her way around the female body. Casey arched against her lover, trying to increase the friction. And then Annie kissed her; so slowly and tenderly that she thought she might explode. One minute Casey thought that the only thing that would satisfy her would be a good hard fuck – and then she found herself caught up in the gentlest, most loving kiss. She didn't think she could ever get enough of this woman.

Annie drew back after a few minutes, loving the flush on Casey's sensitive skin. "You are very special," she whispered, and kissed her again. "So special." Annie kissed her way down Casey's long neck, loving the taste of her, loving even more the small, inarticulate noises that Casey made. Casey's hips bucked as Annie suckled on a particular point in her neck, and Annie smiled as she made a mental note. Annie was discovering what turned Casey on the most, and she was a quick study. By the time she had reached her breasts, Casey was gasping, her center throbbing.

Annie felt Casey's hand on her head, and grinned as she realized what she wanted. She knelt in front of her, lifting Casey's right leg over her shoulder to make it easier for her to worship her with her tongue.

Casey convulsed at the first touch of Annie's tongue, giving herself up completely. Somehow Annie seemed to know exactly what she needed. Casey exploded in Annie's mouth, but Annie kept going and, incredibly, only seconds after her first orgasm, Casey knew that she was going to come again.

Annie coaxed Casey to four mind-blowing climaxes, and laughed when Casey finally collapsed into her arms, barely able to speak. "That... you … oh Jesus. Amazing," Casey panted, trying to catch her breath. She ran her hand down Annie's tattooed arm, even more spellbound by the colors in the wet of the shower which still pounded over them both.

"You're a magician. A witch," Casey grinned, as she slowly recovered herself. Her fingers found Annie's nipple, and she laughed when Annie moaned at the slightest touch. "It's your turn."

"No time," Annie said, trying to ignore the invading fingers. "You've gotta get to work."

"I don't think this is going to take long," Casey teased, shifting in Annie's arms so she could reach her target. "I suspect...," she eased her fingers into warm flesh, chuckling at what she found. "I have _evidence_ that this is going to be quick," she started to thrust, watching Annie's eyes as they lost focus. "In fact, it is becoming clear that … that's it, baby. You're so close," she had never seen anything so beautiful as Annie's face as she surrendered to her attentions. "That's it. Come for me," her thrusts increased and Annie shut her eyes, her breathing coming in short gasps. "Let it go." Annie cried out as she came in Casey's hand.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"Please tell me I can see you tonight?" Annie looked at her watching, knowing that Casey had only five minutes before she left for work.

Casey did up the last button her her shirt. "I think I can make time for you," she teased. Her face fell as she thought of something. "When do you have to go back to Chicago?" her tone was suddenly serious.

"Tomorrow morning," Annie told her. "It's a 15-hour ride on the bike, and I have students on Monday."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

**9.30am**

"Thank you doctor," Alex kept her voice low as she showed the doctor out of the apartment. "I'm sorry if I wasted your time."

The doctor smiled kindly. "You were worried," she said. "It's always better to be sure. She'll sleep now. I've given her a sedative, and she just needs rest. Rest and fluids. And somebody to take care of her," she smiled again. "I think you have all that in hand."

Alex nodded. Olivia had not wanted her to call the doctor, had insisted that she was feeling better, but Alex was anxious and wanted to make sure that it was only a migraine.

She went back into the bedroom, and smoothed her hand over Olivia's brow. Olivia murmured at her soft touch. She was about to get back into bed with her when she caught sight of her phone flashing on the nightstand. She had turned off the sound and the vibration, but as she looked over, she could see that Annie was calling her. She picked up the phone and went into the living room, closing the door behind her.

"Hey blondie," Annie's tone was light.

"Hey A-J," Alex tried to match her, but she couldn't hide the tension, and exhaustion, in her voice.

"What's up, sweetheart?" Annie was instantly alert. "Is it the baby?"

"No," Alex kept her voice low, knowing how good Olivia's hearing was. "Liv had a bad night. Awful migraine, worst she's had."

"Did you call the doctor?"

"Just been. Says she's okay. She's resting now," Alex hated that her voice cracked. She was just so relieved. One thing that she and Olivia had in common was that they would both rather suffer pain than see the other one suffering. "She's okay. How are you?"

"Worried about you," Annie said. "You sound awful, Alis... Alex," she laughed as she almost used the name that Alex had had in Witness Protection. "What can I do? What do you need?"

"I'm fine," Alex insisted. "Truly. Are you coming over this morning?" she wanted to see as much as she could of Annie, and was aware that she would be riding back to Chicago the following day.

"I was going to, but I think we both know you need to sleep," Annie said.

Alex felt a pang of disappointment mixed with relief. She was almost out on her feet. She just needed a few hours' sleep, and to feel Olivia next to her. "Can you maybe come this afternoon?"

"I'd love to see you, but only if you are up for it. Text me," Annie instructed. "Later on. If you want company. If I don't hear from you, I won't worry. Hey, I'm coming back real soon. It's no biggie."

"Does that mean it went well with Casey?" Alex remembered that Annie and Casey had had a date.

"It went amazingly," Annie's voice held a note of awe. "I mean... anyone can see she's beautiful. But I had no idea just how … how perfect she is," she chuckled at her own sappiness.

Alex smiled, despite her own exhaustion. "Perfect enough to tame a certain English professor?" she teased.

"Maybe so. Maybe so," Annie couldn't help smiling. "Go to bed, blondie," she admonished gently. "And kiss that girlfriend of yours for me. I might see you later."

"Love you, A-J," Alex said, grateful and almost tearful that her friend had come back into her life.

"Love you too, hot stuff. Bed," she hung up the phone before Alex could reply.

Alex smiled to herself, and wiped away a tear. She went back into the bedroom, and slid into bed next to Olivia. Very gently, she took Olivia's hand and pulled it to her breast, smiling as the fingers automatically molded to the soft swell. She hoped that Olivia would sleep for a long time.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"Chinese or pizza?" Annie demanded, as soon as Casey picked up the phone.

"Huh?" Casey was confused.

"_Tonight_!" Annie said. "Your place. We're eating in. I'll bring the food."

"No more fancy restaurants?" Casey teased.

"Oh there will be plenty more restaurants. Hotels. I'm going to spoil you, Red. But tonight," Annie's nipples tightened just at the thought. "Tonight, there's no way I'm going to be able to keep my hands to myself. So, in the interests of not being arrested for public indecency, I'm thinking we can have take-out. So. Chinese or pizza?"

"Thai," Casey smirked, and hung up the phone.

Annie stared at her phone and laughed. Casey was not going to be a walkover. She liked that about her. She liked everything about her. A second later, the phone beeped. She opened her messages.

_Beef stir fry. Rice. And a nice Thai beer. I should be back at my place just after 6pm. See you soon after?_

Annie chuckled.

**I'll be there Red.**

Casey smiled when she looked at her phone. It had been a long time since a woman had intrigued her – and delighted her – as much as Annie Bartlett. She tried not to think about the fact that Annie's life was in a whole different city.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

**3pm**

Annie knocked softly on the door, smiling as Alex opened the door to her. She gave Alex a warm hug, and held out a bag. "Groceries," she explained. "Soup, bread, cheese, fruit. That sort of thing," she kept her voice low, aware that Olivia was still sleeping. "Mama always said to bring soup when anyone was sick."

Alex hugged her again. "That's perfect. Sit, I'll make tea."

Annie shook her head. "No, blondie. You sit. I'll fix the tea." Five minutes later, they were seated in the living room. Annie looked closely at Alex. She looked tired, and a little anxious, but all things considered, she was okay, Annie concluded. "It was bad, huh?"

Alex nodded, her throat constricting. "Yeah." She didn't want to go into it. She didn't want to remember. "She's sleeping now. It was always going to happen. She takes so much onto herself. And she has taken care of me so beautifully."

"Because she loves you," Annie said, simply.

Alex nodded. "So," she wanted to change the subject. And she genuinely wanted to hear about what had put the smile on Annie's face. "Casey."

"Casey," Annie smiled. "Yep. Casey."

"Don't tell me she's cured the legendary Bartlett wandering eye?" Alex teased.

"It's too soon to make an exact diagnosis," Annie laughed. She thought back over the past few days, and her heart filled with joy. "She's amazing, though," she said. "I only wish she lived in Chicago."

Alex smiled. "You'll find a way around it. Hell, if Liv lived in Timbuktu, we'd work around it. You riding home tomorrow morning?"

"I was going to," Annie had clearly been thinking. "But then I thought … if I leave my bike here, I could fly back to Chicago. And then I wouldn't have to leave until Sunday. There's a flight at 6.30pm."

"And then you can spend the weekend with Casey?"

"Exactly!" Annie grinned.

"Have you forgotten that you're terrified of flying?" Alex reminded her, recalling a weekend break they had taken in Washington, and remembering all too clearly the look of terror in Annie's eyes when they had taken their seats in the airplane.

"Oh it'll be okay," Annie dismissed her.

"How so?" Alex pushed her.

Annie swallowed. She had been trying to put the fear out of her mind. "Maybe it won't be completely okay," she admitted. "But it'll be worth it."

Alex reached out and took her hand. "You've got it bad, A-J," she said, her eyes crinkling with affection. She had always known that Annie's bachelor lifestyle wasn't really satisfying her. She was so pleased that things were going so well with Casey.

"Yeah," Annie grinned, a little bashfully. "What can I say? I've always had a thing for redheads."

"I think I'll stick to brunettes myself," Alex laughed.

"Looks to me like you got a good one," Annie agreed. "Olivia's a stunner."

"A pretty crumpled stunner," Olivia's voice was weak, but clear.

For a woman starting her ninth month of pregnancy, Alex made it to her feet in record time. She was by Olivia's side in seconds. "Hey," she said quietly, touching her cheek. "What are you doing out of bed?"

"Didn't want to miss out on the fun," Olivia tried to smile, but wavered on her feet.

Alex led her to the couch, keeping a tight hold. Olivia looked awful; her skin was grey and her eyes were still clouded. But she wanted to join them, and Alex was not going to stop her. Alex went to their bedroom, reappearing a moment later with Olivia's robe, which she wrapped tenderly around her. "I'm just going to change the linen on our bed," she said. "So we've got nice fresh sheets for later."

Annie stood. "No you don't, blondie. You sit there with your beautiful girlfriend, I'll do that. No," she held up a hand. "You are neither of you in a condition to fight with me. Just tell me where to get fresh linens." She smiled as Alex indicated the closet.

Alex sat on the end of the couch, and coaxed Olivia to lie down in what was left of her lap now that the baby had grown so big. Olivia grunted gratefully. She was tired and shaky, and her head still pounded but, thankfully, not with the sickening intensity of before. She felt Alex's hand in her hair. "'m'sorry," she said, thickly.

"For what, baby?" Alex was confused.

"I should be taking care of you. Not the other way around," Olivia said.

Alex stroked her cheek. "When are you going to learn?" she said softly. "We take care of each other. It's what we do."

Olivia turned and buried her face in Alex's front, her hand on her large belly. "I love you," her voice slurred as sleep caught up with her again.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

When Annie returned from the bedroom, she saw that both Olivia and Alex were asleep in each other's arms. She smiled. Hurriedly, she scribbled a note.

_I'll see you both next weekend. I'm so pleased to have met you Olivia. I'm just gonna go ravish Casey now. AB xxx_

Alex awoke an hour later, her neck stiff. She realized that Olivia was awake in her lap. "Hey, baby," she whispered.

Olivia levered herself into a sitting position. She kissed Alex very softly on the lips.

"How do you feel?" Alex wanted to know.

"Good," Olivia was surprised to realize that that was, relatively, true. Her headache had receded further.

"Annie brought some soup. Do you think you could manage some?"

"Yeah," Olivia pondered. "I think that would be good."

Alex made her way to the kitchen, laughing when she saw Annie's note. Ten minutes later, she returned with a bowl of soup and a cheese salad sandwich on a tray for Olivia.

Olivia gave her a shaky smile. "I hope you know how much I love you," she said.

Alex set down the tray, and cupped Olivia's cheek. "Yeah. I think I know. And I hope you know that you mean everything to me."

She saw Olivia nod and smile. She sat next to Olivia. "We're gonna be okay, Liv. It's all gonna be okay."

Olivia squeezed her hand.


	10. Chapter 10

Casey looked at her girlfriend. Annie was trying to hide her discomfort, but Casey could tell that, as the flight time neared, she was scared.

"You should go home," Annie said. "I know you've got stuff to do, and you've got work tomorrow."

Casey smiled. "An hour won't make any difference. And I'm not going to leave you alone until I have to."

"I'm fine," Annie lied.

"Hold out your hand," Casey demanded.

Annie obeyed, and was dismayed at the shaking that she couldn't stop. "Too much caffeine," she tried to bullshit.

"Yeah. Caffeine. Right," Casey smiled at her. "It's okay to be scared, Annie."

Annie looked startled. She hadn't told Casey about her terror of flying. The she realized. "Alex told you."

Casey smiled and nodded. "Let's go to the bar. Find a quiet booth. I think you would benefit from a whiskey."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"You don't have to do this, Liv," Alex groaned as Olivia's fingers worked their magic on her aching back. Somehow Olivia knew just what made her feel better. She sat, facing the wrong way, on a kitchen chair, her head resting on her arms on the back of the chair as Olivia massaged her.

"Shh," Olivia said. "Just let me help you, sweetheart." Olivia loved being able to ease Alex's discomfort, even in a small way. She admired Alex so much for going through with the pregnancy. And now, even though she was going to have the baby girl child adopted, Alex was careful not to do anything that could possibly cause her harm. So she wouldn't take any painkillers, even mild ones, despite the constant ache in her back.

Alex moaned softly as Olivia's fingers worked at just the right spot.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"Next weekend," Annie promised as she held Casey in her arms. She kissed her, softly, deeply, her tongue caressing her with passion and tenderness. "I swear."

Casey blinked back unexpected tears. "I'm gonna hold you to that professor," she said, when they eventually broke apart. "Call me when you get there?"

Annie nodded.

"And Annie? It'll be fine. I've checked the weather report, there shouldn't be any turbulence. Couple of hours from now, it will all be over."

Annie nodded again. "You just promise me you won't be entertaining any hot women before I see you on Friday."

Casey grinned. "Okay. I suppose I can cancel that threesome I had planned. But you'd better make it worth my while."

"You just wait, counselor. I have plans for you."

"I'll hold you to that," Casey said.

Annie turned, and was about to walk away when Casey caught her hand and pulled her back.

Casey drew her into a deep, passionate kiss.

They parted, reluctantly, neither of them speaking.

Casey watched Annie shoulder her back and head toward the security gate. Christ, she was sexy. And cocky, that swagger made Casey's nipples tingle. Nobody else would be able to tell that Annie was nervous as hell. Annie went through the door, giving a final quick wave.

Casey made her way to the car, shocked to find that she was close to tears again. She never cried. And certainly not when saying goodbye to somebody she would be seeing again in less than a week. But it was more than that. Casey Novak realized that she had fallen, hard, for the sexy professor. She didn't want her to go. She also didn't want her to fly, because it was something that frightened Annie, and she couldn't imagine anything frightening her. Casey wanted to protect her from her fears. She wanted to make sure she was safe and happy all of the time. And she knew that wasn't possible, and that made her sad. For the first time in a very long time, Casey realized that she cared less about her own feelings than she did about someone else's. Annie had snuck into her heart. She pulled out her phone and texted:

_Text me when you get home, stud. I need to know you haven't gone off with a sexy air hostess._

Annie felt her phone vibrate, and pulled it out of her pocket. She was sitting at the gate, expecting to board the plane soon. She smiled. She knew Casey was trying to distract her from her fears. She texted back:

**You have nothing to worry about. I like to have something in common with my women. Too much make-up and a love of flying? I prefer feisty attorneys with alabaster skin.**

Casey grinned.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

**Monday morning**

Olivia tried not to listen, but it was hard to give Alex privacy without leaving the room, and she didn't want to be too obvious.

Alex was pale as she closed the phone, and replaced it in its cradle. She placed both hands on the counter, and took a deep, shaky breath.

"Lex?" Olivia spoke gently.

"I'm okay," Alex said.

Olivia ran a soft hand down her back, relieved when Alex turned and buried her face in her front. Things only got bad when they stopped communicating, and Alex had been doing her very best to share everything with her.

Olivia held her for a few minutes, waiting as she felt Alex start to relax in her arms.

"Trial's postponed. Until November," Alex said, her voice muffled by Olivia's chest.

Olivia had gathered that much from what she had heard. But she had heard snatches of other things too, and knew that Alex was upset by more than just the delay.

"Shall we sit?" Olivia suggested softly.

Alex nodded, and let Olivia lead her to the couch. They sat, side by side, and Alex turned into Olivia, relishing the warmth and the safety that she felt when Olivia held her.

"Another victim just had a baby. DNA proves it's his. It's hard to understand that he was so arrogant he didn't even bother with protection. He never thought he would be caught, Liv. And he wasn't caught, not for years. Partly because his wife was helping him. His wife!"

"Some men think they are untouchable," Olivia ran her hand up and down her back. "But he's not Alexandra. _They're_ not. They've both been caught. And they won't get out for a very long time, if at all in his case."

"She wants to meet. Some time in the next few weeks," Alex sounded glum, referring to Sandy Metzler, the ADA from Chicago. "I told her she would have to wait. Until we're done with …," she waved her hands expressively over her belly. "It's under three weeks."

"You did right, Lex. Especially now the trial has been postponed."

"I won't let her introduce the baby. _This_ baby," Alex teared up, angrily. "We all know she has plenty to convict him. And if I let her reveal that this baby is the product of rape, then there's a chance that one day... some time in the future … when this one looks up who her birth mother is. She might find out she was conceived in rape. I can't do that to her, Olivia. Whenever I think of how your mother … I just can't do it. I know I'm giving her up for adoption, but I want her to have the best chance she can at life. I _need_ for her to have the best chance." Alex was angry now, like a tigress protecting her cubs.

"Metzler doesn't need this baby. And now you won't be pregnant at the trial. Nobody need ever know. Nobody," Olivia soothed.

Alex turned fully into Olivia, and let her lover hold her. After a while, Olivia realized that she had fallen asleep, and she was glad for it. Sleep had been an elusive commodity for Alex in the past few weeks, while she coped with pain, heartburn and stress. Any sleep she could get was a bonus, Olivia knew. She grabbed her own leather jacket from where it lay over the back of the couch, and wrapped it around Alex. It wasn't ideal, but it was the best she could manage without getting up and disturbing her.

In her sleep, Alex dimly registered the soft jacket that smelt of leather and Olivia. Of home. Of safety. She slept on.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

**Wednesday afternoon**

Casey smiled when she saw the name on her cell. She was due to leave for court in a half hour, and she was nervous, as she always was. Talking to Annie was just the boost she needed.

"Hey Red," Annie drawled. "So what are you wearing?"

"You are so predictable," Casey laughed.

"You didn't answer me."

"And I'm not going to. We know where that led last time, and I'm not going into court all hot and bothered because you've gotten me all worked up."

"I thought you enjoyed it last night," Annie's voice was low and sexy.

"You know I did. It's not that I object to the turn that our phone call took. I most certainly do not object. It's just … you gotta improve your timing if you call during the work day."

"I'll work on that," Annie laughed. "So what time are you working until on Friday? Are you having another late night?" she was coming to realize just how hard Casey worked.

"It depends," Casey said. "I could get home by 6pm, but then I'd have to bring some paperwork to do over the weekend."

"So I'll pick you up at 6.30pm?"

"You'll be there by then?" Casey was excited. She hadn't imagined that Annie would be able to get to New York until at least 9pm.

"Grover's taking my last lecture. He owes me one. My flight lands at 5.45pm," Annie couldn't hide the excitement she felt at the prospect of seeing Casey again. It was barely 72 hours since she had been with her, and it seemed like forever.

"I'll meet you at the airport," Casey told her.

"There's no need. I can get a cab. I'll...," Annie began.

"I'll meet you at the airport," Casey repeated, more firmly. "You don't want to argue with me professor. I argue for a living."

Annie laughed. "You win, counselor." She suddenly felt shy. "I've missed you," she admitted softly. She had never told anyone she missed them. Not since Sophie, her first girlfriend.

Casey swallowed. She bit back a smart remark. This was sweet. She wasn't used to sweet. Annie was a bewitching mix of characteristics. She was funny. She was super-smart. She was strong – physically and mentally. And she was _unbelievably_ sexy. Casey had never before found tattoos so arousing, but just the memory of the beautiful etchings on that luscious body left her with a dry mouth. "I've missed you too, Annie," she said. She looked at her watch. "I gotta go," she said, reluctantly. "I daren't be late for Petrovsky."

"The demon judge?" Annie remembered back to a conversation they had had.

"The very same. Call me tonight?"

"Try and stop me Red," Annie said.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

**6am Friday morning**

Olivia made her way into the kitchen, still trying to wake up. Alex was leaning forward against the counter, her arms out in front of her as she tried to reduce the pressure on her back.

"Hey baby," Olivia spoke softly. She rubbed her back with one hand, and felt Alex push gratefully against her. "Let me help. Sit," she guided Alex to her back-to-front position on the chair. "You sit there, I'll do what I can."

Alex moaned involuntarily at Olivia's touch. For almost forty minutes, Olivia kneaded gently. Alex's shoulder muscles in particular were as tight as Olivia could ever remember. As the muscles slowly relaxed, Alex did too. As Olivia came to the end of the massage, Alex reached behind her for one of her hands. She pulled it gently to her own breast.

Olivia tried not to react. She knew how conflicted Alex was when it came to sex. They hadn't even tried to make love since Alex's return, but Alex had been making more overtures recently, and Olivia was pleased and relieved. Some of Alex's nightmares were still vivid and frightening, but their frequency and the intensity of some of them had lessened. And she never flinched now at Olivia's touch. She seemed to enjoy particularly the comfort of Olivia's hand cupping her breast.

Olivia felt the soft flesh in her hand, and could feel the rock-hard nipple through Alex's nightshirt. She found Alex's pregnant body wonderfully arousing, and loved the feel of her. In normal circumstances, she would have guided Alex to bed and made love to her for hours. But these weren't normal circumstances, as she had to keep reminding herself. Any moves had to come from Alex first. She was just pleased that Alex wanted her touch at all.

"I _do_ want to make love," Alex said very softly. "So much of me wants to. But … ," she swallowed. "Soon, Liv?"

Olivia moved so that she was facing Alex, and she knelt at her level. She touched her face softly, and leant in for a soft, beautiful kiss. Alex's lips were so perfect, and she tasted wonderful. Olivia tried to put all of her love into the kiss. "All I need is to be with you," she whispered. "I don't need anything more from you. I'm so proud of you, Alex. You are so strong."

"I don't always feel strong," Alex said shakily.

"Nobody _always_ feels strong," Olivia said. "I'm here for whenever you need me."

"I always need you."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

**6.40pm Friday**

Casey was starting to worry. It was over half an hour since Annie's plane had landed, and there was still no sign of her. She was just heading over to the desk to enquire, when she saw a familiar tall figure emerge from the arrivals door. Having a girlfriend who was nearly 6ft tall was useful sometimes, she smiled to herself.

Casey ran over to greet Annie, and was shocked by her pale face. Annie smiled widely, but Casey could tell she was shaken. Casey reached out for Annie's back pack, and she knew when Annie handed it over that she was not feeling herself. This flying fear was worse than she had realized. Annie looked like she wanted to be sick. Casey kissed her very softly on the lips and took her hand. She led her to a row of chairs and they both sat down. It wasn't like Annie to be so docile.

Casey held her hand and looked closely into her eyes, seeing shadows. "I didn't know it was this bad," she said.

"M'okay," Annie spoke at last. She tried to smile.

"You want a drink?"

"Water would be good," Annie admitted as her stomach did a small flip. The landing had done for her. Take-offs and landings were the worst.

Casey touched her leg gently, and sprinted off to buy a bottle of water. She was back in under two minutes. She was glad to see that Annie had collected herself a little. Casey removed the lid and passed the water to her.

Annie gave a small smile. "I'm completely aware of how ridiculous I am," she said, her voice regaining a little of its strength.

Casey smiled gently. "Not ridiculous," she soothed.

"I'm 28 years old. I shouldn't be frightened of flying. It's the safest form of transport."

"Fear isn't always rational," Casey reminded her.

"I wanted you to think I'm brave and strong," Annie's spark was coming back.

"Doing something that terrifies you seems pretty damned brave to me," Casey said mildly. She ran her hand up Annie's arm. "And we both know you are strong," her fingers lingered on her tattooed bicep.

Annie smiled and looked up. "You say all the right things, Red," she took a deep breath. "Okay. I'm done with all the Victorian melodrama. Are we going back to your place, or are we going to enjoy that hot tub at my hotel?"

Casey's face fell slightly.

"Cassandra?" Annie saw her expression change. "What is it?"

Casey shook her head. "It's dumb. I just thought you'd be staying with me."

Annie nodded, realizing her faux pas. "I _am_ going to stay with you. Wherever we are. I want you with me. Look, it's a long story," she took a deep breath. "A real long story. My hotel suite is free. It is wherever I go. Well, wherever there's a Wilde hotel."

"How come?" Casey wanted to know.

"My name isn't Annie Bartlett. Well, it is. I'm not some kind of secret agent. Though … that might be a fun career," she tried to lighten the atmosphere. "My full name is Anna-Jane Bartlett Wilde. My family owns the hotel chain."

"So you get free rooms."

Annie nodded. "There's a bit more to it than that. I'll tell you. Whenever you want. But first," she laughed at herself. "I've been too nervous to eat all day. Can we get something to eat?"

"How about room service?" Casey could see the glint in her eye. "And then we could explore that hot tub again."

"That works for me Red," Annie stood and grabbed her back pack from Casey.

**11.38pm Friday**

"It's not helping, is it?" Olivia held Alex as they stood in the shower, the hot water pounding over both of them.

Alex groaned. "I think …," she didn't want to voice her thoughts. She didn't want this to be happening. She didn't want it to be a reality. She looked up and saw Olivia's concerned face. "I think this is more than backache."

Olivia nodded. She had realized an hour ago that Alex was experiencing labor pains, but she hadn't wanted to force her to discuss it. "That was a contraction, huh?" Olivia placed a soft hand on Alex's belly.

Alex nodded. Her chin wobbled.

"What can I do?" Olivia asked.

"Stay with me," Alex pleaded. "Don't leave me. Not until it's over."

"I'm going to be right here with you. Every step of the way. It'll be okay Alex," Olivia put a finger under Alex's chin and forced her to look into her eyes. "I'm not going anywhere. We'll be okay," she rubbed her belly. "All of us. You trust me, right?"

Alex nodded, her face a mixture of misery and terror.

"Then trust me when I say we're all going to be okay," Olivia held her to her.

Alex grasped a wet breast as she clung to Olivia. If anyone could make this right, Olivia could.


	11. Chapter 11

**[just a short chapter, but one I hope will make you all happy!]**

**Saturday 4.20am**

As Alex grunted in pain, Olivia placed a gentle hand on her stomach. She could feel the muscles hardening further as Alex moaned again. After about 30 seconds, her flesh started to soften again, and Alex sagged in Olivia's arms.

Olivia looked at her watch. "Forty minutes, give or take," she said. "Dr Henning said we should come in when it's about half an hour between contractions."

Alex was pale and shaking slightly. "It hurts," she whispered.

"I know, baby. I know. I wish I could take the pain for you."

Alex reached out for Olivia's hand. "Please don't leave me."

Olivia knew that Alex was not only afraid of the birth, but that she was also nervous of going into the hospital. Her rape had taken place in a hospital. "I swear. I'm gonna be by your side every minute. Even if I have to pee, I'll leave the door open and talk to you through the door," Olivia was relieved to see Alex give a small smile.

"I don't wanna go in a cab," Alex knew she was being silly. She wanted as few people as possible involved in this birth, and she couldn't bear a cab driver knowing what was happening.

"I'll take my car then, Alexandra," Olivia was calm. She could see the fear in Alex's eyes. "Hey," she brushed the hair from Alex's forehead. "I know it's a little early, but let's go after the next contraction, huh? Then we can get you settled, and we'll know where we're at. How does that sound?"

&amp;a&amp;a&amp;&amp;a&amp;a&amp;&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

**5.30am**

"I surrender," Casey gasped as Annie made her way back up her body. "I can't take any more." Her breathing was erratic.

Annie flopped onto her back, a satisfied, rather smug, grin on her face. She rolled on to her side to face Casey, grinning as the young attorney reached out for her, caressing one of Annie's large breasts lovingly.

"Just give me ten minutes," Casey said hoarsely, still trying to catch her breath. Her fingers closed instinctively around a turgid nipple, and she grinned as she felt the bar that had been pierced into the flesh. "God, I don't think I'll ever get enough of this."

Annie smiled. She pulled Casey closer to her, loving the slickness of her sweat-soaked skin.

&amp;a&amp;a&amp;&amp;a&amp;a&amp;&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

The midwife was kind and gentle. Olivia quietly explained Alex's history to her, and she nodded. She put a reassuring hand on Olivia's shoulder. "I've been doing this for 30 years," she smiled. She looked at Alex to include her in her remarks. "We're gonna make this as easy as we can. And you, Miss Cabot," she moved to face her fully. "You're in charge. Anything you don't like, you just let me know. And if you prefer a different midwife, you let me know about that too. Sometimes you just don't take to someone, and it's so important that you are comfortable at this time. I won't be offended," she smiled.

Alex tried to smile back, but she was hit by a contraction. Olivia was immediately at her side, holding her hand, her presence reassuring her as she rode through the pain. As the pain ebbed, Alex looked at the midwife. "I like you," she said, realizing that she meant it. "Can you stay?"

The midwife smiled, her good, big teeth gleaming white against her coffee-colored skin. "I can do whatever you want, Miss Cabot."

"Maybe you could start by calling me Alex?"

"I can do that. I'm Ruth. Now," she knew this would be hard for Alex. "I've got to check a few things. But I'm gonna tell you before I do anything, and you can stop me at any point. We can always come back to things. If you don't like it, you just let me know."

Alex nodded, and tightened her grip on Olivia's hand.

"I'm gonna start with blood pressure," Ruth wrapped the cuff around Alex's arm. "And while I'm doing that, I just need to check your temperature," she inserted the thermometer in Alex's ears. She nodded as she took notes. "Well that's all looking good. Your pressure could be a little lower, but we can keep a check on that. Nothing to worry about," she saw the anxiety in Olivia's eyes.

Ruth smiled as she observed the couple. She had had all types of couples through her hands, and she had no judgments to make about who should love who. But she didn't enjoy it when she saw couples at the birth who were clearly not suited, and who wouldn't be together when the child reached six months. But these two, they adored each other, she could tell. She was sad that the baby had been conceived in such awful circumstances, and that it would be adopted. These two would make wonderful parents.

"Now, I need to check how far dilated you are. I'm going to have to use my fingers." Ruth saw the panic in Alex's eyes. "You just try and relax," she lifted the sheet. She watched Alex's face turn completely white as she started to probe, and she pulled back.

"You're okay, baby," Olivia was whispering. "Ruth, could you...," Olivia smiled as she saw that the kindly midwife had already stepped back. "Thank you. See, baby. You're in control. Nobody does anything you don't want them to do. You can say no whenever you want."

"I'm sorry," Alex was trying not to cry. She liked Ruth, and she knew she was only there to help her. "Just give me a few moments. We can start again then."

"You want some water?" Olivia asked her.

Alex nodded, hoping that would settle her roiling gut. She sipped, gingerly.

Olivia pulled Alex's hand to her own chest. "Feel my heartbeat?" Olivia knew that that was one thing that helped Alex to settle.

Alex nodded.

"Try and even your breathing, baby," Olivia's voice was soothing. "Breathe with me. In. Out. In. Out. There," she smiled at her. She could feel some of Alex's tension start to drain.

After a few moments, Alex said. "It's okay, now." She knew that Ruth would stop at any time she asked her.

Olivia held her as Ruth completed her examination.

Ruth smiled as she peeled off her latex gloves and dropped them in the trash can. "You're doing beautifully, honey," she told Alex. "I'm thinking it's probably going to be a few hours yet. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to leave you two ladies alone, and I'll be back in just under an hour. But if you need anything, anything at all, you just press the call button, and I'll be right back. I'm only at the nurses' station. Is that okay with you both?"

Alex and Olivia both nodded gratefully. They both wanted some time alone, so that Alex could regroup. And privacy had always been important to both of them.

Olivia sat in the chair by the bed, still holding tight to Alex's hand. "You're amazing," she whispered. Alex's face contorted as she breathed through another contraction. Almost a minute later, she relaxed marginally. She looked over at Olivia, and gave a small smile.

**10.40am**

Ruth looked up and smiled. "You're going everything just right, Alex," she said. "9cm now. It won't be long now, honey. You want some gas and air?"

Alex shook her head. The last time she had tried it, it had made her feel nauseous and shaky.

Olivia hadn't left her side at all, apart from one quick pee break, when she had, as promised, left the door to the en-suite bathroom open, and had talked loudly to Alex while she peed.

Olivia wiped Alex's face with a warm washcloth, and fed her some ice chips. "You're doing so well," she whispered. "An hour, it will be all over, right Ruth?"

The midwife looked up from her latest exam. "Less," she said. "You're fully dilated, Alex," she told the pale woman. "Are you ready to do this?"

Alex nodded. She had spoken very little during the labor, and had only cried out a few times when a contraction had been particularly severe. Olivia knew that she was hurting, and admired her stoicism. Alex had never been a complainer.

&amp;a&amp;a&amp;&amp;a&amp;a&amp;&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"Annie?" Casey laughed as she picked gingerly at her clothes that she had discarded in such haste the previous night. They were wrinkled, and she didn't want to wear her work clothes on a Saturday anyway. "I didn't plan this real well. Have you got any clothes I could borrow?"

Annie smiled. The thought of Casey wearing her clothes gave her a warm glow. "Everything's still in the backpack. Take whatever you need," she said. "I'm just gonna text Olivia. I'm supposed to be seeing Alex this afternoon, but she's not answering her phone."

&amp;a&amp;a&amp;&amp;a&amp;a&amp;&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

It was eerily quiet in the delivery room. Alex panted in pain, but tried not to cry out. For reasons even she couldn't fathom, she wanted to stay as quiet as she could. Subliminally, she thought that if she kept quiet, the labor would be less of a memory for her. But this was agony. She felt Olivia climb on the bed next to her and slide half way behind her to support her. Olivia's soft touch and gentle words were everything to her.

"We need you to push on the next contraction," Ruth said.

The pain was indescribable, and Alex couldn't stop herself from crying out, tears streaming down her face as she felt she was being split in two. Without Olivia there, this would be unbearable.

Ruth usually gave more of a running commentary to expectant parents, but she could tell that Alex didn't want to hear what she had to say. So she kept her remarks to a minimum. "And again," Ruth encouraged at the next contraction. "Good girl. Relax for a moment. You've done the head. That's great. Next time we'll see if we can do the shoulders."

"I can't do this," Alex's voice was weak as she wept into Olivia's front. She was shattered, physically and emotionally. "I can't do this any more."

Olivia held her close, stroking the hand that clutched so hard to her top that Alex's knuckles were white. "I love you," she whispered to Alex.

Alex screamed as her whole body contracted, relying on Olivia's strength to get her through. And then the pressure eased. She heard a very small cry.

"Baby girl is fine," Ruth said, choosing her words carefully. The baby whimpered slightly as Ruth calmly cut the cord.

Alex turned into Olivia's front and tried to stifle her tears. Olivia held her and rocked her gently.

After a few minutes, Alex pulled back. She looked deep into Olivia's concerned brown eyes. "What does she look like?"

"You want me to look?" Olivia knew that Alex had to be in charge of every step.

Alex's face crumpled again as she struggled to compose herself. She nodded.

Olivia slid off the bed, her heart in her mouth, and her emotions vacillating wildly. She went over to Ruth who held the child, and looked down. She gasped, when she saw a tiny, calm, clone of Alex. She looked back at Alex. "She looks just like you, Alexandra. She's perfect," Olivia strove to keep her voice calm.

"I want to see her," Alex said. "Will you bring her to me Liv?"

Carefully, Olivia took the tiny baby from Ruth's arms, swaddled in a blue hospital blanket. She carried her to Alex, and held her so that Alex could see her. Alex's eyes were wide. She reached out a shaking hand, and touched her cheek. Alex tried to stifle a sob. "I want to hold her," she whispered.

Gently, Olivia lowered the baby into Alex's arms, her heart exploding with barely suppressed emotion. Tears streamed unnoticed down both their faces. Alex looked into the baby's surprisingly deep blue eyes. She touched her face again, and then lowered her cheek to rub it against the baby's soft wisps of blonde hair. The baby just looked calmly at Alex.

Olivia watched so many emotions pass over Alex's face. She couldn't imagine how hard this was for her.

And then the baby moved, infinitessimally. And then more definitely. In an instinctive move that was older than time, she nuzzled against Alex's breast. And Alex, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, opened her top more widely and guided the baby to her nipple. The child immediately began to suckle.

Ruth calmly moved to Alex's side. She smiled at her, and Alex smiled back through her tears. Ruth reached down and moved the blanket slightly to one side, so that the baby's skin touched Alex's bare skin.

"I can't give her up," Alex looked up at Olivia, her voice shaking as she made the most momentous decision of her life. "I wanted to protect her. I wanted to protect her from ever finding out. I couldn't bear it if she ever saw the truth in my face. I thought," she bit back a sob. "I thought I'd see him in her. But I don't. I only see her." She stroked the top of the child's head. "She's never hurt anyone."

Olivia leant down and kissed Alex tenderly on the mouth, a soft, tender kiss.

"I want us to be a family," Alex said softly. "Can we be a family?"

Olivia reached out and stroked the baby's head, marveling at the small, suckling sounds she was making. "We already are," she whispered.


	12. Chapter 12

**I can't say how sorry I am it's been so appallingly long. Life just got in the way. I'll never leave a story unfinished though, and I'm really going to try to make sure I never leave so long a gap in the future. Here's the next chapter, if anyone's still reading. Apologies once more.**

Olivia reached for her phone. "I wanna take a picture. Is it okay if I take a picture?" she asked Alex, who held their daughter as she suckled.

Alex nodded. "Of course," she said, unable to hide her smile of delight at the small baby in her arms. "You ready for your close-up, baby girl?" she spoke quietly. Her emotions were fluctuating wildly. She had never imagined this outcome, but now, when she looked at the tiny child, she could never imagine anything else. This baby had nothing to do with her rape. She was just an innocent. An innocent that needed her – her and Olivia. And Alex knew that Olivia would do everything in her power to protect them both.

Olivia looked at her phone. "Annie's texted, wants to know where you are."

Alex looked up. "Text her a photo, and then I'll call her," she said.

"You're sure you're ready for that?"

Alex smiled. "Yeah," she said softly. "I'm sure."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Olivia couldn't stop staring at the child in her arms. Alex had insisted that Olivia hold her for a while, and the tough detective was struggling to keep her emotions in check. Her priority had always been Alex, to protect her, and to make things as painless as possible during the adoption process. And now she was looking at Alex's daughter. _Their_ daughter. Alex had made it very clear that they were a family now.

There was a soft tap on the door. Carefully, Olivia passed the baby to Alex. She went to the door, which she was keeping locked, to reassure Alex that she was safe. Seeing Annie and Casey through the glass window, she opened the door, a wide smile on her face. Annie hugged her fiercely, and then Casey followed suit.

"Is this okay? Visiting?" Annie kept her voice quiet as she stood by the door.

"Get your ass over here, A-J. You too, Novak," Alex called from the bed.

Annie approached the bed, and was thrilled to see that Alex looked … happy. Exhausted, but happy. She kissed her on the cheek, and then looked down at the small bundle in her arms. Her emotions exploded within her, and she started to cry silently, tears dripping down her face. She reached out a shaking finger and very gently touched the baby's cheek. "She looks just like you," she whispered.

Alex smiled, and passed her the box of tissues. "I thought I was the one who was supposed to be hormonal," she teased.

Annie grinned, as she grabbed a tissue. "It's not every day my best friend has a baby," she defended herself.

"Wanna hold?" Alex asked.

"Are you sure?"

Alex nodded. "I know I have trust issues," she said. "But I'd trust everyone in this room with my life. Anyway, she wants to meet her aunties," she smiled.

Casey watched in awe as her strong, tall, tough girlfriend lifted the child with such tenderness and love. She knew then that she was in love.

"So, little one," Annie whispered to the baby. "Have you got a name yet?" she looked over at Olivia, who shrugged.

"We haven't really discussed it, have we Alex?"

"I was just thinking," Alex mused. "I want her to have a strong name. And I've always loved Eleanor Roosevelt, all she did, all she stood for. What do you think, Liv?"

"I love it," Olivia said softly. "Eleanor. Eleanor Cabot. Yeah. She looks like an Eleanor to me."

"Okay, baby girl. Come meet your auntie Casey," whispered Annie. "Casey, meet Eleanor."

"Eleanor Olivia," Alex corrected. She laughed at the look of shock on Olivia's face. She reached out her hand, and Olivia strode forward and took it. "She needs a strong name. And you're the strongest I know, babe," Alex said softly to Olivia. She tugged her down for a kiss.

Olivia was overwhelmed. She gave herself up to the kiss, which was tender, and loving, and spoke so much of the love between them.

"I could hold you for ever," Annie spoke softly to the baby. "But I think we have some shopping to do, huh, Cassandra?"

"Shopping? You hate shopping," Alex teased her.

"Not today, I don't. You need things. For this one," she smiled at the baby.

"I was about to ask if you could sit with Alex; I was just going to go out to get the essentials. Car seat, bassinet. Diapers. That sort of thing," Olivia said. "So if you and Casey wouldn't mind, it shouldn't take me more than an hour or so, and then..."

"Sit, hot stuff," Annie commanded. "We've got it covered. When are they letting you out?"

Olivia looked over at Alex, knowing that she wanted to get out of the hospital as soon as possible. "As soon as we can," Olivia replied softly. "We're hoping later today. It all depends on Alex's blood pressure, it's still a little high," she looked over and saw Alex's anguished expression. "But it's falling," she squeezed Alex's hand reassuringly. "I just talked to the doctor," she addressed Alex. "She's pretty sure we'll get home this evening."

Alex nodded. She tried to smile.

"Well we need to get to the mall," Annie said. "C'mon, Red," she glanced at Casey as she reluctantly returned the tiny infant to Alex. "We'll see _you_ later, baby Eleanor," she said softly, her finger lightly touching her cheek.

Alex saw the love in her friend's face, and she blinked back tears. Somehow, this terrible situation was all coming good.

"Call us when you're ready to come home," Casey instructed. "We'll have the car seat all ready."

"We'll get all the stuff you need for the next few days," Annie promised. "Don't worry about a thing."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Olivia looked over at Alex, and their daughter. Their lives had now changed irrevocably, and she couldn't be happier about it. Baby Eleanor looked like a tiny clone of Alex – there was no hint of her paternity. And, so far, she seemed to be a very laid-back child, and had hardly cried at all so far.

The baby slipped off Alex's breast, and was almost instantly asleep.

"You burp her, Liv?" Alex suggested, thrilling Olivia as she gathered the tiny child in her arms and placed her over her own shoulder. Olivia sat on the side of the bed, as she rubbed her hand up and down the baby's back.

"We should call Irenka," Alex said, remembering how caring the middle-aged waitress had been. "Or we can drop by, introduce her to Eleanor?"

Olivia nodded, almost too moved to speak. She had thought that they were going to have the baby adopted, and now they were planning to introduce her to their friends. "Eleanor is a beautiful name," she whispered. "It's perfect for her."

Alex swallowed. "I was thinking … and I'm not trying to pressure you. We can't even think about marriage, or even too far into the future yet. I know that. We have so many … so much … we need to resolve. But … I know you, Liv. And I trust you with my life. And I know, whatever happens with us, you're going to be here for her. God knows I hope we never split up, but even if we did, you'd still be a mother to her."

"There's no way in hell we are ever going to split up," Olivia's voice was quiet, but determined. She had never meant anything more in her life.

Alex reached out, and touched her arm. "I know. But I was wondering, maybe she can have two middle names. So that she knows. She'll always know. You're her mother, and you were right from the start."

Olivia looked askance.

"Eleanor Olivia Benson Cabot," Alex clarified. "Just so she knows, you always wanted her."

Olivia could barely see through her tears. Very tenderly, she moved the sleeping baby from her shoulder and returned her to Alex. She leant forward and kissed Alex deeply. "I love you. Both of you," she said.

Alex touched her face lightly.

"For the record," Olivia added, a smile on her face. "The very day gay marriage is legalized in this state, you and I are going to be at the courthouse. I wanted to marry you the first day I saw you. Some things never change."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Annie unobtrusively slid her black Amex card across the counter at the store. She smiled at the assistant, whose eyes had opened wide at the rare sight. "I'm hoping you can help us," she said. "Our friends' baby has just arrived early. Only 11 days, but they don't have anything ready yet. And we don't have a clue," she smiled at Casey. "We'd really love to buy everything we need from this store, but we do need it all delivered to their apartment within the next couple of hours. I'm happy to pay for delivery," she nodded at the card. "Is this something you could help us with?"

The assistant smiled kindly. "I'm sure that can be arranged. Let me just call our delivery guys. Why don't you take a cart, and I'll join you in a few minutes. I'll be happy to help you make decisions."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Casey laughed as the last of the boxes was placed in Olivia's apartment. "Are you sure we bought enough?" she teased Annie.

Annie grinned. "It was kind of hard to draw a line, huh?" she opened one box and pulled out a padded winter suit for a six-month old. "But they can always exchange things they don't want. And they're going to be real tired."

"Well they're not going to have to shop until Ellie is at least 18 months old. I swear you bought every onesie in the store."

"It's not the onesies I'm worried out," Annie laughed, as she stared gloomily at the larger boxes. "We have, I'm guessing, about four hours to assemble the crib, changing table, closet, and bassinet stand. Thank God the car seat comes ready assembled. Though how we fit this to the car is anyone's guess."

"I'll do the seat," Casey volunteered. "I've done lots of car seats in my time. And I'm a real whizz with flatpack furniture. Don't tell me my beautiful girlfriend hasn't assembled some furniture in her time?"

Annie stared. "That's how you think of me? Your girlfriend?"

Casey smiled a little hesitantly. It had been five years since Annie had had a steady girlfriend, and Casey knew that she was still unsure of herself. She was so much more used to one-night stands. "Is that okay?" Casey asked gently.

Annie nodded slowly. She smiled, and the smile grew wider across her face. She grabbed Casey around the waist, and drew her into a kiss. The kiss was deep, and soft, and loving. Eventually they broke apart. "Yeah," Annie said. "That's okay. That's very okay."

Casey smiled as she stepped away, taking the car seat out of the cardboard box. "Well, get working on that crib," she nodded to another of the boxes. "I'll be back real soon. I'm going to put this in Alex's car, it's safer than Olivia's Mustang."

Annie nodded. As Casey reached the apartment door, she called out, "you think I'm beautiful too, huh?"

Casey grinned. "I've seen worse," she teased, as she darted out of the apartment with the car seat in her arms.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"She says 9pm," Olivia told Alex when she woke from a doze. "The doctor," she clarified. "We can leave at 9pm, assuming you're both doing well. Are you sure you don't want to stay the night here, and relax?"

Alex shook her head. "I want to get home as soon as we can. Is that okay?"

"It's okay with me," Olivia said. "And I'd say Ella's okay with it too," she looked at the still sleeping baby in her arms.

"Ella. I like that," Alex said, reaching out and touching the baby's cheek. "Or Ellie."

"She's so beautiful," Olivia said. "And she's so chilled out. I texted her picture to Elliott, I hope that's okay?"

Alex smiled. "Of course it's okay. She has to get to know her favorite uncle. Once we're settled, we should take her into the station house."

"They'd love that," Olivia replied.

"She must never know, though," Alex's voice was quiet, but serious. "We have to tell the guys, everyone. Nobody must ever tell her about her conception. We'll think of something for the birth certificate – hell, even if I have to make up a name. But she must always think she was wanted. Right from the beginning. I know, baby," she looked at the baby in her girlfriend's arms. "I'm so sorry I didn't want you from the minute I got pregnant. But the moment we met … I just knew. You're perfect, Eleanor. You couldn't be more perfect. And your Mama and I, we're going to take such good care of you. We're never going to let anyone hurt you. We're going to make sure you know how loved and wanted you are. Aren't we Liv?"

Olivia nodded, her throat tight.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"Jesus, you should warn a person," Casey laughed as she let herself back into the apartment, and came across Annie, sitting cross-legged on the floor, in just her singlet and jeans, having discarded her shirt when she had gotten too hot after wrestling with Allen keys and screws. Casey didn't think she had ever seen anything quite as hot as Annie, as she tightened the last screw on the crib.

Annie looked up at her, confused. "Warn about what?"

"Warn me about quite how luscious you look without your shirt," she eyed Annie's beautifully muscled arms, and the tantalising glint of sweat on her shoulders.

Annie grinned. "I like to keep my ladies happy," she teased.

Casey swatted her. She passed her a bottle of chilled water, openly gawping as Annie opened the bottle and downed half of it in one gulp.

"So," Casey said, sitting on the floor next to Annie. "What was all that about in the store?"

"What was what about?" Annie was genuinely confused.

"The card. C'mon, A-J. Even I know that not just anyone gets a black Amex. You rob a bank or something?"

Annie looked glum. "Similar. Or it feels like it anyway." She looked over at Casey's confused face, and knew that she couldn't keep it hidden for much longer.

Casey felt embarrassed, something she had never before felt in front of Annie. "I'm sorry, it's none of my business," she backtracked.

Annie reached out for her, grasping her hand tightly in her own. "It _is_ your business," she said softly. "We just established that I'm your girlfriend," she smiled, to lighten the atmosphere.

"My beautiful girlfriend," Casey amended, trying to match her mood.

"So if anyone deserves to know, it's you. It's just … it's not something I'm especially proud of. It's a family thing. So I didn't do anything to earn it. That is, not most of it. I have earned quite well from my books, and those I _am_ proud of," she smiled.

"Your _books_?" Casey was astounded. "You've written books?"

"A few," Annie tried to demur.

"How many? What about? Why don't I already know this?" Casey was excited.

"Six. English. Because you were too interested in looking at my tattoos… among other things," Annie teased.

"Six books? And what in the hell do you mean, 'English'? I need more information. I need to read these books!"

"One on Jane Austen. Three on Shakespeare. And two on John Donne. I'm not that proud of the Jane Austen one, I wrote that when I was very young, it's not the most mature work."

"What do you mean, when you were young? You're only 28 now, for Chrissakes," Casey couldn't believe all this new information.

"I was 19 when the Austen one came out," Annie admitted, shyly.

"Jesus. You really _are_ a genius. And you are _so_ hot," Casey ran a finger down her front, her hand settling over Annie's pierced nipple. "Tell me I can read these books?"

"Any time you want," Annie's voice fell an octave as Casey's fingers toyed with her jewelry. Very gently, and reluctantly, she moved Casey's hand away. "But we should talk. About the money." She hated talking about her wealth. It wasn't something she had wanted, nor did she live according to her means. Money really was of no interest to her.

"I'm more interested in your books," Casey said, realizing that that was true.

"I know. We'll talk properly tomorrow. We can go into the details then. But, long story short… you know my family own the Wilde Hotel chain?"

Casey nodded.

"Well, it was my mother's money that set it all up. And she loved me. Mom."

"_Loved_?"

"She died three years ago. And she had divorced my father. It was my fault. Well, fault isn't the right word. Dad could never come to terms with my sexuality, and Mom couldn't come to terms with his intolerance. She loved me for who I was. Who I am. She made me feel so happy, so secure. I knew that the person I was was okay. Dad and my brother Daniel think I'm a freak. So Mom left me everything in her will."

"Everything?"

"Absolutely everything. Dad and Daniel were livid. But I didn't even want it. Daniel has always wanted to run the company. So we came to an agreement. They sold off the European arm of the company, gave me all the profits, and I gave them the control of the company."

"So what does the mean? In figures?"

"In figures? Well, the company was valued at $12 billion, after the sell-off. And my share comes to $38 million," Annie could see Casey's jaw fall open. "I don't want the money. I don't need it. But I thought … since Mom wanted me to have it. I'm gonna set up a charity, I think. I haven't thought it through yet, and the money only came through just under a year ago. But something for GBLT kids. Or something like that. I don't know," tears came to her eyes. "I just don't know," she said, miserably. "I earn enough for me. I don't need it. But if I can set up something in Mom's name. That would be good, right?"

Casey took her hand and held it tight. "Yeah," she smiled. "That would be good."

"I think I'm falling in love with you," Annie blurted out.

Casey smiled. She leant across and kissed Annie. "I think I fell in love with you that day in the elevator."

Annie grinned. "You were staring at my boobs."

"Of course I was," Casey replied. "You do have the very best boobs I've ever seen," she lifted one gently, as if it were the most precious thing in the world. "And now I find out you're a genius. A rich genius, who's shit-hot at furniture assembly. I think all my Christmases have come at once."

Annie smiled. "I'm sorry I kept things from you."

"And I'm sorry you lost your Mom," Casey said gently. "I love you, Annie," she said softly. "Now," she said, in a mock-stern voice. "Get your ass back to this furniture. We have only three hours before we have to pick them up, and you've still got the changing table and closet to assemble. And I've got all these boxes to unpack," she waved at the chaos around them. She picked up one package and grimaced. "God, I wonder what it's like to use this?" she held up the electric breast pump.

"I'm hoping maybe one day you'll find out," Annie said. She looked deep into Casey's green eyes. "You'll be a beautiful mom."

"You want kids?" Casey asked, remembering the tender way Annie had held baby Eleanor.

"With you? Yeah. One day. You'd have the most beautiful babies."

"So we'll do it. One day," Casey kissed her softly.

"We have a lot to fix. Different cities, for one," Annie said, sadly.

"We'll fix that. We'll fix everything," Casey said. "One day. One day soon."


	13. Chapter 13

As she waved off their friends, Olivia looked round at the apartment, and smiled. Alex sat on the couch, baby Eleanor at her breast. And the apartment itself had been transformed, it seemed. Everywhere she looked, she saw something else for the baby. Annie and Casey had done rather more than buy just the essentials.

Glancing into her small kitchen, Olivia spotted the sterilizer kit, along with several cans of baby formula. When she went to the small closet in the hallway to hang up her leather jacket, she saw a folded stroller. And the baby's room was full – crib, changing table, bookshelf, and a new closet that was filled to bursting with clothes. She and Alex weren't going to have to shop for ages, and for that Olivia was grateful. Right now, what she wanted most of all was just to sit with Alex and look at their new daughter. She wiped away a tear, hoping that Alex wouldn't notice how emotional she was feeling.

Alex looked up, and saw Olivia wiping surreptitiously at her face. "Come sit with us," she said quietly.

Olivia nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She kissed Alex very softly, making sure not to disturb the baby. She tried not to stare at the nursing child, worried that Alex might feel self-conscious. "It's okay," Alex said softly. "You can look. I like it when you look," she admitted shyly. "This is how it should be. Our family."

"You're both so beautiful," Olivia choked out. "I didn't know it was possible to be this happy."

Alex looked around her, and smiled. "Jesus," she said, trying to lighten the mood. "Is there anything A-J and Casey _didn't_ buy at the baby store?"

"If there is, I don't know what it is," unconsciously Olivia stroked their daughter's cheek. She looked into Alex's eyes. "Your breasts are beautiful," she said, in awe. She loved Alex's breasts, and Alex had always enjoyed seeing how aroused Olivia would get just by looking at them. But what she said wasn't sexual, not this time.

"You can touch, if you want," Alex said. She knew that Olivia wouldn't touch her without invitation. Her attack had left her skittish, and they had still not renewed the physical side of their relationship – she was still working through the trauma. Olivia had been unbelievably gentle and patient with her. Olivia didn't move, but kept her eyes fixed on her creamy breast, smiling unwittingly as the child slipped off. Alex reached out for Olivia's hand, and pulled it to her. She molded it around the breast, smiling at the look of wonder on Olivia's face. "You like my udders, huh?" she teased.

"I adore you," Olivia heard her own voice cracking. She lifted the breast very gently, wiping a small bead of milk from the nipple. "And I love that you want to nurse our daughter."

Alex smiled. She loved hearing that. "Our daughter," she repeated softly. "Our baby girl." She lifted the child and passed her to Olivia.

Olivia's heart fell wide open as the child snuggled into her. She could tell that she felt safe with her. Very tenderly, she kissed her on the forehead. "I'm going to keep you safe, Eleanor," she promised. "You, me and your Mommy, we're going to have a wonderful life together."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"Your place," Annie took Casey by the hand. "It's closer."

Casey nodded agreement.

Annie held up her hand to hail a cab.

"It's only a few blocks," Casey protested.

"I don't care," Annie said, as she opened the cab door to guide Casey in. She slid in beside her. "Three minutes from now, you're going to be buck naked," she whispered, as she slid her hand dangerously high up Casey's thigh. "I for one would prefer that to take place in your apartment. Okay with you, Red?" she checked the driver's eyes in the rear view mirror before daringly pressing her hand against Casey's center.

Casey tried to suppress a gasp, as arousal flooded her senses. She had spent much of the afternoon watching Annie, clad just in jeans and a wife beater, as she assembled furniture. She had had trouble keeping her hands to herself and, if Olivia hadn't called at just the right moment – or the wrong moment – she would have taken her on the floor of Olivia's small living room. "Okay," she choked out. She couldn't keep her eyes off Annie's breasts, and knew even without touching that her nipples would be rock hard.

The cab drew up in front of Casey's apartment, and the cabbie grinned when Annie threw $50 at him, exhorting him to keep the change. Fortunately the elevator was on the ground floor, and Casey dragged Annie in with her, pressing the button for her floor repeatedly.

Annie grinned at her, as the door slid shut. She pushed Casey gently against the wall, and lifted her tee. She had been aware all day that Casey wasn't wearing a bra, but still the sight of her erect nipple sent shockwaves directly to her core. She closed her mouth around the oh-so-tempting bud, her ardor sent into the stratosphere when Casey emitted a gutteral moan. After a few seconds, Casey pushed her away. "Wait," she gasped, as she pulled her tee back down, just in time before the door opened, to a blissfully empty hallway. She fumbled in her jeans pocket for her key, laughing as Annie pressed behind her, her hands on her butt as she negotiated the lock. Finally, the door opened, and they fell through.

Casey rapidly closed the door behind them, and they both burst out laughing. "You," she pulled Annie to her, "are gonna get me arrested one day."

Annie waggled her eyebrows. "Now that's just what I need," she laughed, as she expertly unbuttoned Casey's jeans and plunged a hand in, delighting at Casey's obvious arousal. "A woman-behind-bars image."

"You don't think I'd look good in orange?" Casey teased. "Oh, Jesus," she cried out as Annie's finger slid into her. "Oh sweet Lord."

"You would look good in anything," Annie tried to keep her breathing even. "Or nothing. I vote nothing," she smiled.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

The bassinet by their bed surprised and moved Alex. There was nothing that Annie and Casey hadn't thought of. And it had the softest blanket, and a white undersheet. "See, Ellie," she spoke to their daughter. "You can stay with us, at least until you get used to being here."

"And until _we_ get used to her being here," Olivia smiled. "See if you can sleep, Alexandra," she said softly. "They say you should try to sleep while the baby does."

"You too?" Alex lowered the baby into the bassinet, glad when she remained asleep. She knew that Olivia must be exhausted too. She also wanted her in the bed with her. The emotions swirling in her head were almost overwhelming, and she knew that she would have to process everything one day. One day soon. But today all she wanted was to be held by her love as they looked over at their daughter.

"Of course," Olivia said. "You need anything?"

Alex shook her head. Then she nodded. "You?"

"You have me sweetheart."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"I hate that you have to go," Casey knew she was whining. She also knew that it wasn't fair to add to Annie's stress. They were at the airport, and Annie was already tense about flying. Her frequent flights to and from Chicago had done nothing to assuage her fears, and she was already looking a little pale. "Sorry," Casey sounded shamefaced.

Annie tried to smile.

"It's your fault, though," Casey decided to tease her a little, to distract her from the forthcoming flight.

"My fault?" Annie tried to join in.

"For being just so … damned hot," Casey let her hand slide over Annie's firm backside. "You're gonna have to Skype me tonight. Otherwise I may never _get off_ to sleep..."

Annie looked up sharply as her flight was called. "It'll be after midnight," she reluctantly lifted her bag.

"I'll be ready for you," Casey said. She drew her into a deep kiss. "You know I love you, right?" she said softly.

Annie nodded. "It's mutual," she hoisted her bag onto her shoulder. "See ya, Red," she winked as she strode toward the gate, pretending a calm she didn't feel.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Olivia rocked the tiny baby. "It's okay, Ella," she whispered. "It's all okay. I know, baby. It's gonna take a while to get used to being here. But you have your wonderful Mommy, and you have me. And we're going to introduce you to lots of aunts and uncles, who are going to take care of you too. Shh," she smiled as the baby calmed. She knew she wasn't hungry, and she had a clean diaper.

"You have the magic touch," Alex whispered, her arm around Olivia's waist, as they both looked down at the baby.

Olivia smiled. "2am. That's not bad. There, baby girl," she lowered her back into the bassinet. "You just take it easy."

Olivia settled back into the bed, loving that Alex immediately snuggled into her. "You feeling okay?" she asked her.

"I feel great," Alex said.

"You must be sore as hell," Olivia smiled at her.

"I feel great apart from that," Alex smiled back. She reached out and rested a hand on the bassinet. "She's really ours," she whispered.

"All ours," Olivia agreed.

Alex's face clouded. "I don't know what to put on the birth certificate. Under 'father'. And what are we going to tell her?"

"We'll get advice," Olivia said.

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Irenka's face split into a wide grin at the sight of Alex and Olivia, as they stepped into the coffee shop four days later. Alex had baby Eleanor in a loose sling under her coat, so she was not immediately obvious. As they sat down in their usual booth, Olivia helped her to ease the baby out of the sling.

Tears sprang to Irenka's eyes. "So beautiful," she whispered. Eleanor looked up at her, her gaze calm and appraising. "Wait here," she said to Alex.

Irenka returned a moment later, a small gift-wrapped package in her hand, which she passed to Olivia. "For baby," she said. "You open."

Olivia opened the paper to reveal a soft, white baby blanket.

"I make," Irenka smiled, shyly.

Alex was trying not to cry. She reached out and touched Irenka's hand. She nodded, unable to speak. She held out the baby for Irenka to hold.

Irenka looked at Olivia, who smiled approvingly. When she took the small child, her face was suffused with joy. "Lucky baby," she said softly. "Such good mamas."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"How did she know?" Alex mused later, when they were back in the apartment, and she was in her favorite place – on the couch, in Olivia's arms. "We told her she was going to be adopted."

Olivia shrugged. She was about to say something when she heard a soft tap on the door. She slid out from beneath Alex and went to the door, looking through the spyhole. "It's Elliott," she mouthed to Alex. Alex smiled, and sat up.

Elliott came in, a huge bunch of flowers in one hand, and a soft toy rabbit in the other. "For my favorite girls," he said, keeping his voice low. "Is she asleep?"

"She's been sleeping for nearly two hours, she'll be up soon," Alex eased off the couch, accepting the flowers. "Thank you Elliott, these are lovely." At that, she heard a soft cry coming from their bedroom. "I think it's almost time to introduce you," she smiled, handing the flowers to Olivia while she went to comfort their child.

Olivia passed Elliott a coffee, directing him to sit. He looked tired. "You missing me?" she teased.

Elliott took a grateful gulp of his coffee. "More than you could ever know," he sighed. "I'd rather look at you over the desk than Munch," he added with a smile. "So... parenthood," he grinned. "How's it treating you?"

Olivia's face was suffused with joy. "Better than I could ever imagine," she said, her voice cracking. "And here she is," she looked over to see Alex carrying Eleanor into the room.

"Eleanor Olivia," Alex said softly. "I'd like you to meet your favorite uncle. This big, bad man here is Elliott Stabler, and he drives your Mama nuts every day at work," she smiled as she lowered the baby into Elliott's waiting arms.

Elliott looked down at the tiny bundle. His throat constricted with emotion. He had long known what a wonderful mother Olivia would be, but he hadn't imagined that it would happen with Alex. But, looking over at both women – both exhausted, physically and emotionally – and he knew that it was right. "Hey," he whispered to Eleanor. "Welcome to this crazy world."

Elliott held her expertly for almost half an hour, until she began to fuss a little. "You looking for some lunch, little one?" he asked.

Alex scooped her up, and headed for the bedroom. She was more than happy for Olivia to watch her nursing, but she didn't yet have the confidence to do it with Elliott in the room.

Once the door was closed, Elliott turned to Olivia. "I must go in a few minutes," he said. "But first, there's something I want to talk to you about. It's okay," he saw the expression on her face. "I'm not going to beg you to come back to work. Not yet, anyway. It's about the birth certificate. Kathy and I have been talking."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Eleanor slipped off Alex's breast. "No sleeping yet," Alex said quietly, as she put her over her shoulder to wind her. "Not until," she smiled as Eleanor let out a small burp. "That's it. Good girl."

Once Eleanor was once more settled in her bassinet, Alex reached reluctantly for the breast pump. She didn't enjoy using it, but she knew that she would start to leak soon if she didn't. Also, she wanted to make sure she had plenty of milk in bottles, so that Olivia could feed the baby too. She smiled as she remembered the last time Olivia had fed her – the look on her girlfriend's face was pure joy. She just didn't enjoy using the contraption, though it wasn't as bad when Olivia attached it for her. Olivia was being amazing; she was participating in everything. Despite them not having been physically intimate since her return, she had never felt closer to Olivia. And she knew they would resume their lovemaking soon. She felt so secure in Olivia's love. She looked up as the bedroom door opened. "He gone?" she asked Olivia.

Olivia nodded. "He's gone." She peered into the bassinet. She settled on the bed, and kissed Alex, slowly, tenderly. She loved that they were so close. As the breast pump finished, she removed it from Alex, and secured the bottle of milk. She went to the kitchen to put the bottle into the refrigerator, and rinsed out the pump. She returned to the bedroom, and sat on the bed next to Alex. She reached out for her, smiling as Alex immediately leant into her embrace. "Elliott had a good idea."

"Oh yeah?" Alex's blood ran cold. She hoped that Olivia wouldn't be going back to work earlier than intended – she still had ten weeks left with Alex and Eleanor.

"Not to do with work," Olivia could read her mind. "He's been talking to Kathy, and they want to offer his name. To put on the birth certificate. Eleanor was 11 days early, so he's going to say he met up with you two weeks before your … attack. So there won't be any questions. Ellie will think that he was the donor, when she's old enough to ask. And there's going to be no mention of her at all at the trial. So there will be nothing to link Ellie with ..."

"With the rape," Alex finished off for her, in a quiet voice.

"Yeah," Olivia agreed.

"And Kathy doesn't mind?" Alex wanted to be sure. This was a lot to take in, but it could solve so many of their problems. Above all else, she wanted Eleanor to be protected. She knew how much Olivia had suffered over the years, wondering about her paternity, hating what it had done to her mother, wondering why her mother resented her so much, and she couldn't bear for Eleanor to ever think that she had ever been cause for anything except joy in their lives.

"It was Kathy's idea," Olivia said. "Look, we don't have to decide now. It's just an idea."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Casey was downcast. "So you can't come this weekend," she felt more devastated than she had expected.

"I'm sorry, Red," Annie explained, hating that she had to tell her over the phone. "It's this new initiative. Poetry for the People. It's my fault, too. I suggested it to the Dean. I just never imagined it would take shape so fast." She had just learned that she was needed to give a 90-minute 'Introduction to Poetry' class to be attended by anybody who lived in the Chicago area. She was delighted that the initiative was going ahead, but less thrilled that the lecture was going to take place mid-morning on Saturday, which she had planned to spend in bed with Casey. "By the time it's done, it won't be worth me coming to New York. So … I don't suppose I could persuade you to come to Chicago?"

"Me come there?" Casey didn't know why she was so surprised.

"I … I just want to see you," Annie knew she sounded lame. "I'm missing you Cassandra. And that hot little bod of yours too," she tried to sound cool, but she was desperately hoping Casey would come. "The lecture's only 90 minutes."

"Can I come to the lecture?" Casey teased. "I wanna see my sexy girlfriend in action."

"I'll get you a ticket," Annie was excited. "What time can you leave on Friday? I'll fix up flights for you."

"You don't have to do that," Casey protested.

"I want to," Annie was firm.

"Let me talk to Liz. She might let me scoot a little early, I haven't got court on Friday."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

Casey saw Annie waiting anxiously in the crowd as she made her way across the terminal. Annie was looking in the wrong direction, so started with surprise when Casey tapped her on the shoulder. "Are those flowers for me?" she gestured to the large bunch in Annie's hand.

"They're for my lover," Annie teased. "But since you're here, you can have them," she grinned widely at the look of mock-fury on Casey's face. "Christ, it's good to see you, Red," Annie kissed her soundly. She grabbed her small backpack from her. "You packed light," she said.

"I figured I could borrow stuff from you if I needed to," Casey shrugged. "Anyway, I'm not planning to wear clothes for much of the weekend," she winked, watching as a broad flush made its way up Annie's neck. "Right now, though, I'm _starving_," she complained. "Are you going to cook for me?"

Annie laughed. "We both know I don't cook," she said. "There's a great little Mexican I know. We'll get some food, and then I'll take you back to my apartment. You can _unpack_ then," she grinned wickedly.

The food was excellent, and Casey was pleased and relieved to find that Annie was exactly the same in Chicago as she had been in New York. There was no tension between them, they talked easily and laughed often. After the meal, Annie took Casey by the hand as they headed back toward her truck.

"Hey Joe," Annie called, as a man in his forties turned to lock the door of a store.

The man called Joe looked up, and smiled widely. "If it isn't my favorite customer!" he said.

Casey saw that the store was a tattoo parlour.

Annie smiled back. "Casey, this is Joe. The best tattoo artist in the city. Joe, this is my girlfriend Casey."

Casey reached out and shook his hand. "Did you do Annie's arm?" she asked.

"I sure did," he smiled. "She designed it, I inked it. And my wife is responsible for any piercings she may have, too," he laughed. "That's between Joanne and Annie, though!" he grinned, knowing full well that Annie had a pierced nipple.

"It's all beautiful," Casey said sincerely.

Joe smiled. "It's always good to have a happy customer."

a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;a&amp;

"It's not much," Annie sounded a little embarrassed. "I never really have visitors," she showed Annie into her small apartment. It was neat and functional, but nothing fancy.

"I want to see all of it!" Casey declared.

"That won't take long," Annie laughed. She showed her the small living room, tiny study, kitchen and bathroom. Casey was particularly interested in the study, staring in awe at Annie's own books on the bookshelf. She lifted one up and flicked through it carefully. "I can't believe you're an author," she said.

"I'm not a real author. I've just written a few books," Annie was embarrassed.

"Yeah. That's not an author," Casey teased. "So," she reached out and flicked open a button on Annie's shirt. "Just one bedroom?"

Annie's throat went dry. She nodded.

"You have $38 mill in the bank, and you have only one bedroom?" Casey was astonished.

"I've never needed any more," Annie said. "I mean, I always knew, if I had a family or something..."

Casey slid her hands onto Annie's torso, her fingers teasing the underside of her bra. "You'd better show me this one bedroom then," her voice was even lower than usual.

Annie took her by the hand and silently led her across the hall.


End file.
